5 Ways to Boost your Confidence

Being a strong woman in a world full of people ready and willing to push you down can really take a toll on your confidence.  I literally just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert after much procrastination and watching the movie 500 times.  I was inspired by her story, especially her trip to India that led her to regain her confidence.  It is important to remember that we are beautiful, sassy, smart, innovative, movers and shakers of our environment.  But there is that one day that you are feeling just a bit down.  Here are some ideas to pick you up when you're not feeling top-notch.

Dress the way you want to feel

It is amazing what clothes can do to our self-esteem.  Have you ever looked in the mirror and said to yourself, "Damn, I look good"?  Ladies, you can sincerely feel like this all the time.  You know how the saying goes;

"Dress for the job you want"

The same goes for your mood.  Dress for the mood you want to have.  If you want to feel sexy, slip on that thong you know makes you feel like you are being a little naughty and it will exude on the outside and if you want to feel like you can take over the world, put on a power suit.

Drop the negativity

It's sometimes hard to see when people are bringing you down, especially when you're a women.  We all get caught up in the drama and gossip in the world around us.  It's so easy to just get sucked in.  I mean that's why reality TV is so addicting.  We love to revel in someone else's life when its worse than ours.  Well, snap out of it!

I know it can be difficult to get rid of friends who might be bringing us down as well but you have to remember that friends sometimes come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  If the reason is up and they are bringing you down, it's time to move on.  Exuding confidence is all about YOU, not the other person.  Trust me, I am guilty of being a people pleaser but I know when to drop my losses.  Walk away from the negative talk and get yourself back in stride.

Talk to yourself

That's right, I said it.  Look in the mirror and talk to yourself.  Find a mantra that works for you like, "I am beautiful, no one today is going to bring me down" or "I am going to take over the world".  Whatever it may be, make sure its a positive, reassuring mantra that you are going to say to yourself.  The most important thing about this routine is that you have to do it daily and you have to believe it.  If you don't believe it, repeat it again until you do. Positive self-talk is so powerful

Hit the gym

You don't necessarily have to go to the gym but work out.  Do something.  Get off the couch and get moving.  WebMD says that working out releases endorphins which basically means it releases a chemical that makes us happy.  The same chemical that makes us smile when we hear a baby laugh.  Not only that, but after working out for a little while, you'll feel better about your body, you'll have more energy, and most importantly, you'll be more confident.

Surround yourself with positive people

I recently heard from someone you should surround yourself with people who are smarter than you.  I have always been a strong believer in having friends and significant others who bring you up and not bring you down.  I have been blessed with a great set of friends and every time we're together, it just reassures me and reminds me of how awesome they are smart, beautiful, positive women with the most amazing hearts.  It did take a while to get the negative people out of my life and it was worth it.  Find a mentor, surround yourself with amazing people, and your confidence will be the last thing you worry about.

Keep in mind these are just tips.  If you going through depression, please seek professional help.  From someone who has experienced depression before, it might be hard to get out of your own way when you're feeling down in the dumps.

Stay sassy, confident, and remember you are the most beautiful woman in the world!

The Friend Zone

Sometimes, I get phone calls from my guy friends who are still single with the one struggle they can't seem to shake, the Friend Zone. I have mentioned before that a woman knows what she wants within the first 30 seconds of meeting you. There is a possibility that she might change her mind and/or you'll grow on her but for the most part she has made her choice. Don't get me wrong, I know couples where the woman in the relationship wasn't really sold on her suitor at first. But that is always the exception, not the rule.

I think the main problem with being in the friend zone is the guy becomes infatuated with the idea of being with this person. There is some looming idea that there is a slight possibility that you should be together. Normally, I recognize the "Friend Zone" right away. I tell them to cut ties before they get hurt... but no, my friends all masochists. They want to continue the dream that one day, they will be with their "dream girl". I might come off as spiritual, however, I am a firm believer that when the right person comes into your life, you will know. It won't be a struggle, it will be just right. I have no problem with fighting for what's right but you can't change someone's opinion. They will have to WANT to change themselves. Don't force it.

There is a common trend with those who end up in the friend zone. They tend to be insecure and are afraid to make a move. I will be very honest and say that a woman likes a man who is a hunter, someone who isn't afraid to make a move. Also, when you end the "friendship" and they come back, then you're in control and can change the circumstances. Tell them that you want to be exclusive and if they honestly cannot do that, then they can go off onto their own path. You know the adage, if you love something, let it go and if it comes back, it's yours. But on your terms.

I am reminded by one particular person while writing this. I hate to see those close to me suffering through heartache. I know it might be cruel and hard but I suggest that if someone is dragging you along, cut the chord! I've done it. You'll live to be a much happier person. One problem with being in the friend zone and the person who has "friend zoned" you is taking advantage of your hospitality towards them, it's better to take that out of your life. It is negative and it is a poison. There is one commonality in women that seems to trend is that we don't know what we want until its right in front of us. Just because its nice to have someone around to listen to your problems and be your friend, its not fair if there are feelings involved. Someone will always get hurt. Trust me, cut off the relationship. Find some sort of solace within your friends who are just friends and continue to live life.

Again, the right person will come along. I am not saying that because I have found love, I am saying that because I have seen it happen time and time again. Remember, only you are responsible for your own happiness. If you are in a situation where you know you are driving yourself nuts, then get out. No need to continue to put salt on a wound that stays open.

The Cycle

I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it. - Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City

Growth is inevitable. Well, at least to me. I have never envisioned myself to ever stay stagnant. To not continue learning about the world, life, and myself. I know I'm not perfect. I don't think anyone is. Everyone is their own definition of who they allowed themselves to be. Some are just unaware how they got to where they are. I remember in college, I had a roommate who was my friend, at the time, and she was doing a study on Puerto Ricans and their role in society. Because Puerto Ricans are citizens of the U.S., they are eligible for benefits like welfare which they take advantage of especially in low income neighborhoods. Her study was specifically in Chicago. Anyhow, she talked about the "Cycle of Poverty". I always found this interesting because it solidified the notion that sometimes we just don't know any better because we weren't taught. This idea basically meant that because these Puerto Ricans learned to live in poor conditions, survive in low income areas, and had no aspirations to live any other way, they passed on these traits to their children who continued the trend. Thus, ensuing a cycle that continued. Granted, there was always the exception but that's all it is, the exception, not the rule. I have always been a student of people. Learning their behavior, their reactions, and so on to understand why they would say the things they said or did the things they did. When I dated, it became a little bit of a challenge until I actually really liked the person and got really frustrated when they didn't see what I saw. The potential of a great thing. Luckily, God had a plan and landed me with the Comedian. I am forever grateful for that. I didn't learn very much from my parents. They did teach me to be a good person and to be considerate of people's feelings but I wasn't taught about money or love or how to deal with sketchy people. My mom was never really into makeup or clothes, she's a very plain woman. She's a peaceful, reserved woman. And I came out like a thunderbolt ready to strike the next social gathering. Plus she had straight hair. Not me...lol. Let's say, I've been referred to Shakira on a regular basis because of my wild curls. I learned how to blow dry my hair from my hair stylist, friends, and youtube. I learned how to apply makeup by the back of pallets of eyeshadow and youtube. This is because I wanted to be someone who wanted to be a bit more fashionable and I realized I never learned that from my mom. I LOVE shoes and she wonders why I have so many. My point out of all of this that you have the choice to decide who you want to be. Like Carrie from Sex and the City, I know that I will never be the perfect girl who can keep her clothes clean through a meal. Hell, for whatever reason I always manage to get something on myself. I will always be the person who walks accidentally into a pole or falls in public. But that's who I accept. Whatever I want to change, is my own choice. I know I won't every be a statistic unless it comes to cliche surveys on how many shoes I own. Love yourself and who you are. You are unique in your own right. If you don't like the situation you're in, change it. You are the designer of your life. Don't let excuses on why things aren't the way you planned get in the way. Because you are the only reason you got to where you are.

The Road to Self Discovery

I finally did it. I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. It has been a struggle in many avenues of my life during the beginning of the year, however, I found that I stepped on this road to finding out what I really wanted and how to really express myself. For those who know me, I'm not necessarily the best at expressing myself verbally but when it comes to pen and paper, I am fluent in emotion. I think the current relationship I'm in has opened my eyes in who I am as a person in a relationship. I look back in all of my experiences and I find that I really needed someone to invest in me, the person I am.I'm stubborn, I really don't know how I feel until 20 minutes later, and I stutter when I'm angry. It's a bit astonishing because I recall some past relationships where I used to fight all of time when I'm not an aggressive person. I think some people just know how to push your buttons. I tend to be a really patient person so a lot of things don't bother me. I really don't like those who are inconsiderate and always try to find the easiest way out. Maybe I can be a little hard, but my business upbringing wasn't exactly a walk in the park. I have a little birdie in my head that always says, "Don't do something if you're going to do it half ass." I tend to want to be as hard on people as I am myself and I have to remember, they are not me. So relax! I know you're sitting there wondering, "Alright already! What do you want to be when you grow up?" Fine, I'll tell you! I want to be a Corporate Trainer and do training development. I really have a passion for teaching people and I would get to integrate writing in the process... boom! Now, I know you're thinking, why don't you just be a teacher? In all honesty, I'm not a kids person. I love the ones in my life, but dealing with other kids and their potentially bad upbringing. I don't have the patience for it. I do, however, want to commend the teachers that do and love their job. Thank you for molding the future. I look forward to this journey. See you at the finish line!

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

It's late tonight and I am just in a moment of randomness. I really should be reading an article for class. Yes, I'm back in school pursuing my MBA. I don't know where it will lead me but the future looks promising. Anyhow, I realize I am more and more a student of human behavior as time goes and the more I learn. I find it interesting how egos can get scarred by someone else so easily. I am a victim of the same. I think it can more damaging when it someone you hold in high regard as the one doing the slashing of the soul. The problem is remembering that "I'm rubber, you're glue". Kids got it down pat with that rhyme. What changed? I think puberty made us emotional fools. We should remember the present is the most important time of your life. Not the past or the future but the now. Every moment now is the best moment.

I have been an advocate for living life happily. Granted, bad things will happen but those things are meant to learn from. I love my friends and family. And I know they love me for my love for life, laughter, corny jokes, and random facts I feel for whatever reason everyone should know. But that's me. I have learned that the less you care about what people think about you, the more you can be yourself, and people will love you for just that. You being you.

You're in charge of your love life

A comment was made to me recently which stirred up some emotions I hadn't encountered in a while.  I won't mention the comment because I don't want to incriminate anyone.  It made me look back on my adventures of dating.  I had mentioned to several people in my life that I'm happy that I am 30 and found someone who is very special to me.  I think if I were to settle down with the first person I was in love with, I would be unhappy at this point. If you have followed my blogs, you know that I have encountered many different kinds of men who have taught me a thing or two about what I ultimately want in the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.  Call me naiive if you must but I sincerely feel that being single as long as I had been prepared me to truly appreciate the Comedian. Sometimes I feel it was serendipitous how it all happened.  There were a few men who I gave chances more than once because I didn't want to be the superficial person that I had been in my early 20s.  Those experiences flopped.  But when I did give up and decided to focus on something else, he literally came out of nowhere.  I think God was just preparing me for the Comedian.

I don't believe there is a perfect person but there is a perfect person for me.  That's all that matters in the end.  That comment made just made me realize that I do know what I have and I am very lucky.  My point is to know yourself.  Know yourself, your wants, and your needs.  Only you are in charge of your own destiny.  Funny, I saw a movie recently which said,

"Every woman has the exact love life she wants" - The Wedding Date

There is a reason you date a certain guy. My advice is to search deep down within yourself and figure out what that reason is. In the long run, you will be a happier person. Only you are in charge of your destiny.

Is Rejection Worth the Risk

I realized I haven't posted in a while but I promise to add new content to my page on a more regular basis this coming year.  I will be starting my MBA in January but it doesn't matter.  Challenge Accepted! For whatever reason, I find it extremely intriguing when the Comedian gives dating advice to younger cousins.  It's not because his advice isn't valid or makes sense but all of it makes complete sense.  It gives me  insight into the mind of a man.  Because we met online, he never really used pick up lines or had to hit on me at the bar.  I have my own theories over several years of dating and being single.  I know to smile when I want someone to come over.  I know to laugh at his jokes even if they aren't funny.  I have to give it to men sometimes, because of social stigma, we expect them to take charge of the situation and risk getting rejected.  Women, over the years, have taken more of an initiative.  Call me "old fashioned" but I always felt out of place or too masculine if I took control and approached a guy.  In all honesty, I can say about 75% of the time I was rejected but if I was approached, more than 90% of the time there was some success in the conversation.

This, by all means, should not deter anyone from trying to approach someone their interested in.  I think everyone has to find what works for them.  I have learned to make the conversation about the other person not about me.  You learn much more about what might work or not work with that person the more you know about them.  Then again, that's what works for me.  I said something other  day,

"Dating is like math, there are different ways to get to the answer but all that matters is you have the correct answer in the end."

Regardless if you're a guy or a girl, there is a risk of rejection.  Don't lose faith.  There are sincerely "plenty of fish" in the sea.  That person was just not right for you.  My best girlfriend told me once,

"If he doesn't get your jokes, he's not for you."

What she said held a lot of truth.  My jokes can be very dry or very corny.  But that's just who I am.  I have a unique sense of humor and I needed to find someone who just got me.  Thankfully, the Comedian gets my jokes.  Whether they are funny or not.  Usually, they are just really corny so I laugh at myself anyway, ha!

My point is, if you never took the chance, you will never know the outcome.  Take the risk and you can say, at least I tried.  What's the worst that could happen?  She could say, "no".  Then go about your day like any other.  There will be another girl and another chance.

The Fall Air

Something about fall always brings back all kinds of memories. The smell of the air changes, even in Florida. There is something reminiscent of the holidays. I can't necessarily put my finger on it but normally I change, my emotions change. When I went away for college, I struggled with being separated from all that I knew. I put up a big wall saying that I could handle it because I'm a military brat, however, I really didn't understand that I needed the norm of my family life to bring me back to the ground. There were a lot of changes going on during that time of my life. My mom remarried, my sister moved away with her boyfriend at the time, and I didn't have the relationship I wanted with my father. I was struggling to find myself in a new world. For whatever reason I fell into a depression. After becoming suicidal, I went to counseling. He then diagnosed me with seasonal depression meaning that only during a certain time of the year, I became depressed. This was only the first occurrence.

Year after year, I would suffer a darkness during the fall. I wanted to be part of a family, I wanted a sense of normalcy, in my eyes. I tell you, there is nothing like wishing you had somewhere to celebrate where you felt accepted. I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with my family. I was so lost and incomplete. Instead of smelling the fall air, I would want to sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. It was safer in my dark room.

Through the years, I became better at dealing with this darkness during the fall. It even skipped a few years until last year. It came back. The feeling of being alone. I couldn't look at anyone without breaking down and wanting to cry. There was no one there to save me until I saw The Secret. There was so much hope in that message. Hope that I didn't need a family to make me happy, I was already part of one. I was alienating myself because it was all about me. I finally opened my eyes and saw that what you bring to yourself is what you have. I am wealthy through my friends and family. Also, I learned you are NEVER alone. God has always and will always be there. He will be your family, your friend and most of you, your father.

There is no point in living in this world in a negative light. Everyone has their own personal drama to deal with. Everyone has a story. As I always say, what makes you who you are is not what you've been through but how you deal with it.

The Urge to Write

It's been a couple of weeks since I last wrote in my infamous blog.  I've had a bit of writer's block, as they say.  Since moving in with the Comedian, I've been coincidentally crazy at work, then I go home and it seems there is something to do or someone to see.  I tell you, it's been non stop.  I yearn for the days when I turn to the Comedian, he looks at me and asks, "So what do you want to do today?"  Lately, it's been, "Babe, what do we have scheduled for the weekend?" I have calmed down immensely from my crazy college days.  I think it was a progression.  When I found my group of friends from Orlando, they were just as crazy as I was.  It was a match made in party heaven, however, they are settling down a little bit as well.  There are babies and pregnancies popping up all over the place.  My co workers consistently tell me, I'm next.  I look at them and say, "Not yet, I haven't been drinking the water."

Lately, I've immersed myself in listening to podcasts like crazy.  Honestly, the Comedian got me into them.  It started off listening to his favorite comedian, Bill Burr, and it grew to bloggers like Pat Flynn and my new favorite, Entrepreneurs on Fire.  It has my mind going a mile a minute on what plans I might for my future.  Don't get me wrong, I love to write, I just want that to be what propels me to what I am destined to do.

I know deep down inside, this is only the beginning.  I know in a few years, this blog will have a new meaning and great following.

Thank you all for reading!

Knowing Me First

"To love others you must first love yourself" - Leo Buscaglia

Since the chain of events that changed my life in my early twenties, I found it a mission to really mold myself into the person that I wanted to become.  In order to that, you have to be conscious of your own nuances.  Why do I get angry when this happens?  Why do I cry when that happens?  These questions consistently rattled my mind of years.  Maybe enlightenment was the path I was supposed to take, who knows?  All I know was is that I wanted to understand me.

My biggest struggle was handling emotions.  I absolutely despise confrontation.  I've always been a better communicator through writing.  I don't know if I was conditioned by AOL chat rooms but that's what happened.  In relationships, I found myself going to a third person to vent my frustrations instead of talking to my boyfriend at the time.  All that ended up doing was creating a pathway for my roommate to get close to my boyfriend then start seeing him after we broke up :-/  Then I realized, when you start making excuses for the other person, that is when you should start questioning the happiness in your relationship.  You should never want to change the person you're with but you should be with someone that does make you a better version of yourself, not bring you down.

When I get upset, I tend to start shaking, then I have this uncontrollable urge to cry.  Ha!  I must sound like a mess...lol.  I had to learn to hone in my emotions so that I would understand how to react whenever I do get angry.  I promise, I am much better than I used to be.  It does take a lot to get me to the point where I am angry or upset.  The idea is to handle it when I get there, not bottle it up and put it to the side.

I can't stress enough that I'm not perfect, no one is.  But I do work on myself every single day.  Some days are good, some days are great and others are just plain awful.  We are in charge of everything we put in front of us.  Think about what got you here because if you want to get out, you're the only one who can save YOU.

My Own Happiness

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am a quote lover.  It is not uncommon that in conversation I might refer to a quote or two to prove my point when it comes to finding inner peace and happiness. The one I just mentioned by Ralph Waldo Emerson resonates with me because years ago I decided who I wanted to be.  Recently, at a book club meeting, we got into a heated conversation about finding happiness mostly due to our book selection "The Happiness Project" by Gretchin Rubin.  We were talking about how people fall into ruts when they go through traumatic situations.  I've always said,

"It's not what you've been through that makes you who you are it's how you handle it".

I am a firm believer that only you can change yourself.  For things to be different around you, the mindset you think with has to change as well.  I think that's the genius of positive thinking.  Your brain is such a powerful thing.  It change your mood within a second.  As humans, we want to blame other things for our well-being.  At the end of the day, it always comes down to us.  Entrepreneurs are successful because they already believe they are where they want to be.  People who are blessed surround themselves with those who love them which create a positive environment.  They are grateful for what they have, thus making them happier.

It might be strange to think that it is all true but I encourage you to try it.  If a negative thought comes into your head, brush it away and replace it with something positive.  Just try it for a day.  I would love to know how it turns out.

Anxiously Waiting

This past weekend I was presented with a new thought. Growing up, I was told to be on time. Worse, I was told I had to be 5 minutes early because being on time was considered late. You can thank my military upbringing. I have always made an effort to let people know I was on my way, running late or I couldn't make it. Something in my conscience told me that was the right thing to do. After doing some thinking after a conversation, I started to wonder where the anxiety came from. Why did I feel the necessity to tell someone so much information without them asking for it? I felt it was polite or the right thing to do but was it even something they cared to know. I'm not honestly sure, I did it because I felt it was a courtesy. But this goes deeper than all of that. After reading The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, I realize that we do things and hope the same in return.

I've learned over time that you should not expect people to be like you. Trust me, it wasn't easy considering I can be a grammar nazi sometimes and I want to correct anyone any chance I get. But that, in turn, it's unnecessary. People respect you more when they ask you for help and you provide it. I learned to just be patient and be there when someone needs help with something that I know.

Recently, I realized that I struggled with just that, the know it all attitude. I have been so proud of being on time, I didn't realize that I was imposing the behavior on someone who wasn't accustomed to my punctuality. I started to dig deeper into why I got nervous when they didn't arrive in the time expected and an old friend reared their ugly head.

I know I've mentioned in previous blogs before but I have experienced serious bouts with abandonment. It all boils down to being left alone, then, feeling uncomfortable because I was expecting that person to come to my call and take the aloneness away. This realization surprised me. I felt that I have come a long way from where I was last year but for whatever reason, I'm still battling an old demon.

As I continue to discover nuances about myself, I have to remember all of the learning I did late last year and early this year. Stay in the moment, enjoy those you are with and time is of the essence. Be positive. Never let old demons beat you because they are not who you are. You are now, the present not what's on your mind.

Is this your Reality?

Yet another conversation with the Comedian has inspired me today.  You know its a beautiful thing in a relationship when conversations spark a stream of creativity.  We have discussed in the past, other people's realities.  It's not easy to explain but when you become conscious by living in the present, the remedial things like gossip and drama that other people might emphasize don't matter to you.  In all honesty, I had some situations where I became bothered by someone else's reality.  You really just want to enjoy each moment as beautiful as it is.  When poison starts interrupting those moments, you become distracted and the goal is to get back to where you were.

I remembered, in watching The Secret, they mentioned that sometimes when you wake on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, it might create a whole day of negative energy but in reality as soon as you feel like you're going in that direction, you have every right to change your mood around.  Only you are in charge of your emotions and your surroundings.  That includes those who surround yourself with.  Another interesting book I've been reading, The 4-Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss, touches on the idea that the 5 closest people closest to you are a reflection of who you are.  It's been a long road, but I can honestly say that true with those very close to me.

I am reminded that everyone has their own reality and we are not one to change those realities.  We are to just accept them and only control our own destiny.  This past Sunday's sermon, Joel Osteen said, "Nothing you have done has canceled your destiny." God still has a plan for you.  It is your choice to listen.  If we want to live in a reality that fogs our vision to who we really want to become then we might not get there.  The way my life has changed in the last 9 months, I want to continue to choose a path of positive enlightenment.  What about you?

The Best Advice...

Ironically enough, the best advice I ever received was not about relationships or my career or even my choice in school but it happened to be about my finances. Unfortunately, I didn't receive much guidance from my parents when it came to money. I was suckered into credit card when I was in college and I lived the cliche poor student lifestyle. I don't feen for ramen, actually I was never very fond of it, but I do have memories of my best friend and I gathering up all the money we had to hit up the dollar menu.After college, I struggled. I worked for a publishing company where I was sexually harassed by the owner then when I told a coworker that I was going to file a complaint, I was coincidentally fired. After that, I worked for a company owned by Lou Pearlman. If anyone knows, he went bankrupt and I was caught up within that time, hence, another job lost. Finally, I made it to my current company, a breath of fresh air. During the midst of all of this, a good friend of mine told me,

My father was a wise man, he said to never depend on money you don't have.

A light bulb turned on for me. This one conversation set in motion a whole new way at looking at my finances. I started paying my bills first and eventually saving for a rainy day. I know it sounds so simple, however, I was a young girl in my early 20s at the time. I truly dedicate my independence to this advice. I've learned much more since then but freeing myself from a burden of wondering how the next bill would be paid. I'm also not where I want to be. In writing this blog, a year from now, I will be in a better place financially. (Positive thinking, positive results :-)) On a side note, I would love to thank The WordPress Chick for influencing this blog. You're awesome!

Who do I want to be?

A couple of nights ago, I was having a conversation with the Comedian about my last post. We talked about the human condition and our parents. I have always compared my parents to my friend's parents and wished I was in a different situation. I spent the majority of my teens and early twenties trying to figure out how to live life. My dad had left and my mom was never very emotionally available. During that time, I didn't have much guidance, all I knew is that I wanted to leave go away to college and that's what I did. I lived the cliche life of a lost college girl figuring it all out or letting my friends figure it out for me. My point after all of this is that I really didn't have much guidance during that time of my life. Finding my identity was not an easy feat but I don't believe it's an easy feat for anyone, I guess I personally found it difficult because I didn't have anyone to look up to.At the end of the day, everyone has a story. Someone's parents used to abuse them or their father was an alcoholic. I believe those traits might either give us character or we fall into the same pattern. (On a side note, I find this topic even more interesting because I started it a few days ago and on my way back from Miami this past weekend, the Comedian and I were listening to Joel Osteen who gave a sermon on a very similar topic... ahh serendipity). You, as a person, chooses whether you want to inherit your parent's habits. Some of make excuses for every day life, it's because its the way my mom did it or its because my dad had a temper. Life is really about choices. We choose our clothes each day, what time we wake up, whether we wear our hair up or down. It's maybe hard to comprehend but you do have a choice to be angry or upset. I believe I read this quote once:

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." ~Wayne Dyer

In Joel Osteen's message, he said you are the one who can break the personality trait and you choose whether you pass it down to your children. My point out of all of this is whether you have guidance or not, at the end of the day, you have the final choice on how you want to be as a person. It might be hard to believe, but once you consistently think positively and pay close attention to your actions, things will start to look different. People will start treating you differently. It's absolutely amazing.

You don't have to be your mother's habits or have your father's temper. You can be whomever you want to be. It's the beauty of the mind. It's yours.

Office Environments

Some of you know, earlier this year, I started working for a different company but rejoined my old company after a few months.  I was sincerely very excited for the new opportunity.  I was drained and had come to my wits end with the owner of the screen printing company.  The owner for the jewelry company had read the same books I had like The Power of Now and The Secret, so I really felt that we would be on the same page as far as thinking was concerned. Boy, was I wrong.  I understand, working from the bottom and proving yourself when you start a new place of employment is important but I wasn't ready for the ride I was supposed to take.  Granted, it was a small company and I understand the dynamics would be a little different.  By the end of month two, I was ready to head out of that situation as well.  The owner did read these books but I don't think he really applied the concepts especially after I read a Facebook post basically him exclaiming that the "haters can keep hating".  Not to mention, the person in accounting was very critical and negative of everyone accept her and her daughter, who also worked there.

After finishing my 90 days, I came back to the screen printing company to run some reports as a favor.  Later on that day, the VP offered me a position in a different department in the company.  I was kind of torn on making a decision but the pay was better and I had sincerely missed the office environment.  I accepted the offer and I have been so happy ever since.  This environment suits me so much better as there is genuine goodness and laughter with those around me.

I know that sometimes we have to take opportunities given to us to grow but when those don't work out, I know deep down in my heart that another door will be opening near by where you least expect it.

Death to my 20s

It happened... my 30th birthday. My coworkers have a tradition that on someone's birthday, their desk should be trashed. For mine, they created a funeral for my 20s. My VP was laughing so hard, she was crying. Some people look at is as a milestone in their lives where they go through all of the dreams they had throughout their 20s and wonder why they hadn't gotten there yet. I, on the other hand, did not feel any different. I did reminisce a little bit about where I thought I would had been. I did think in my early 20s that I would be married by now and have some sort of career that I love. Neither has happened, needless to say. Then I started to think, I am truly happy so why does what hasn't happened matter?

It doesn't matter. Living your life to the fullest with whatever comes to you is the best way to live. You can't control everything but you can control your thoughts and surroundings. I had a conversation a few months ago with a friend's brother. He looked at me and said, "You created your life, didn't you?" I had never really thought about it before but I did create everything around me. It's all about the decisions you make and the person you decide to be. There was a moment in my early 20s where I was at the bottom and I told myself, I will not be this repressed person. I will be the best version of me that I can be. It's been a great road.

I know great things are coming in my 30s. I look forward to every minute of it.

White Jeans

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Call me nostalgic but I put on a pair of white jeans today and I couldn't help but think back to when I was about 11 years old in middle school just trying to fit in. I remember wanting a pair of white jeans because that's what all of the cool kids were wearing. I am not going to lie, I didn't come from a lavish lifestyle. My mom was well .... frugal. It was always a discussion to even get something name brand, if that ever happened. I did end up getting white jeans one day though. My first day of wearing my new prized possession, I remember sitting in the lunch room just chatting away and my lack of coordination got the best of me and I dropped chocolate milk all over my new white jeans. Needless to say, I never wore those jeans again.

I am still very accident prone. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen on my face or dropped coffee on my shirt but I will tell you one thing, I always carry a Tide stick. The light of all of this is that now I know to be better prepared for what could possibly happen. I can't but think of the old phrase, only if I knew then what I know now. However, if I didn't go through spilling chocolate milk or even the heartaches I've been through, I would never be the same person I am today. (And yes, I realize in the photo I might have a slight obsession with shoes as well).

I embrace my scars because they make me more sensitive to the world around me and that's what I love about myself.

It's that time... again

As a woman, I struggle with my changing ummm hormones. It seems that when it's "that time of the month" my emotions go a little haywire. I like to pride myself in being cool and calm so when I started to realize a trend in my heightened sensitivity, I started to pay attention. It's interesting because this is not a new phenomenon. In the book, "The Power of Now", Ekhart Tolle talks about staying in the "now" when it is this time specifically for women. I found it interesting that it was addressed. The whole idea of being in the "now" is to focus on your state of being, but when my emotions are toying with me, my mind goes a mile a minute. I think I first realized I was going a little crazy a few months ago when I started an argument with a friend. I asked myself, why did I get so upset? Then the next month, the same topic came up and I got upset, yet again around the same time. Whoa... I figured it out.

I didn't want to think that a woman's physiology would create an issue but I had to finally admit to myself that it does. Even today, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend, we'll call him The Comedian, and for whatever reason I felt like something was wrong. That he was upset with me. It didn't hit me until after the conversation how crazy I was and then I realized what was just around the corner.

Sometimes we slip and don't realize that we don't have all of the control in our own emotions. Possibly some women are worse than others however, this is something that happens once a month for many. Yes, I do get cranky, especially if I'm rubbed the wrong way in the morning. It throws my day off. It's interesting because I just recently rewatched "The Secret" and they did bring up the fact that even if your day starts off on the wrong foot, we have the control to change how we feel by just adjusting our emotions just a little bit.

Who said being a woman was easy??

Making Half the Attempt isn't Enough

Yesterday, I went to Sunday service as part of our weekly ritual and the sermon that day really touched on a lot of things that I have been striving to do for myself. It had to do with "teaching an old dog new tricks". We get caught up on our lives and routine and don't think about what can we do to better ourselves because we are complacent. Being a good Christian is all about following God's word to the best of our abilities. We are all not perfect, however, we can strive to be the best possible version of ourselves. There is one thing that has always stuck with me when I was doing my "internship" with the record label in my early 20s. Mind you, this was a very difficult point in my life full of deceit and pressure to do things I wasn't meant to do. But the man who put me through all that continuously said one thing to me. He said, "Don't do things half ass". It has really been a mantra for whatever reason. Deep down in your heart, you know when you are not making the best effort and you are just trying to fly through a task. When you're just doing what you are told to do at work, you're doing it with half the effort. When you're telling someone half the story, you might be leaving important parts out. It's all about efficiency.

I was also at an event where there was a panel of men who have reached the pinnacle of their career such as the Brand Manager of Red Lobster and Room Operations at Walt Disney World. The Brand Manager said the way to get to where you want in your career is to do something outside of your job description. It's just a guideline but not what would differentiate you from the rest of the candidates for a higher position.

Basically, its like what the pastor said when describing his dog. He knew when his dog did something wrong because it would display guilt and shame. When you know you didn't really do what you needed to do and just skimmed the top, deep down inside, you know it was a half ass effort. Being a better version of yourself has to do with going above and beyond your job description. Not just doing enough to get by.