6 Points on Love in the Beginning...

I've been doing some reading today and it sparked some thoughts in regards to my life and relationships.  I have had ups and downs but all that had made me realize is that life is precious.  There are some points I wanted to address when it comes to starting a new relationship.  I found throughout my blogs, there were common themes.  Below, I discuss what I’ve learned prior to my relationship and during.  There is more to come as I learn about myself… 1.  Love will come when you least expect it

I can honestly say that this is very true.  When I look back on my relationships, all of them came in a time where I wasn’t looking for a relationship.  The times I did try to pursue someone, it always ended where I started questioning myself.  More than often enough, those were times where that person wasn’t as in to me as I was into them.  Currently, I couldn’t be happier and trust me, the person I am with is the last person on earth I expected to contact me.  However, I am so grateful that he did.  Sometimes we leave marks on people’s hearts and lives.  Those who realize those marks are the ones who treasure them more than anyone.

2.  Be Patient

One thing I learned prior to my current relationship was to be patient.  I had been struggling with abandonment issues for a fairly long time.  Granted, almost any girl freaks out when the guy she likes doesn’t respond right away, even if he’s just taking a nap.  It’s the unknown that is the scary part.  Some ladies hide it better than others.  I learned to internalize a lot of my neurosis, then analyze them after the fact.  Regardless, men can sense when you are really insecure. Figuring out your reasons for reacting the way you do is very important your own personal growth.

3.  Stay busy

One thing that helps with the impatience I was trying to internalize was staying busy.  I am blessed with amazing friends.  Also, I found a hobby in writing.  There is nothing better to do with your time than build relationships that will last a long time.  I find it true that in the beginning of the relationship, you have to keep your ground and still remain the same or similar to the person you truly are.  Many of us become sucked into the other person and want to spend every waking moment with them.  In time, you will get comfortable with your significant other, then have to find yourself again.  By maintaining your hobbies and relationships, you are more likely to still be you.

There will be a time where you start getting into the groove of your relationship.  When this starts to occur (my current state), you will find that it will be super easy to integrate your loved one into your life as well as you into his.  It is really about communication and wanting to work in a partnership.

4.  Men are simple

I have mentioned this point in blogs before.  Men are simple.  When they like you, they like you.  When they don’t or they want you for another purpose, they start acting strange and do things that freak you out.  Honesty and trust are priority in a relationship.  If you can’t trust the person you’re with, then what’s the point?  One of you ends up going crazy because they are always questioning the other person.  I personally don’t believe in invading someone else’s privacy by going through their phone, tablet, or computer.  If they have something to hide, they’ll hide it.

On that note, I cannot stress the importance of a woman’s intuition.  You know deep down inside when something is wrong.  Don’t deny it, cover it with excuses, or anything.  Confront it.  There is a difference between insecurity and intuition.  One is emotionally driven and the other is instinct.

5.  Do not try to change the man; if you’re making excuses for him then maybe he’s not right for you.

I’ve been in relationships where I am engulfed in the person I think the other should be but at the end of the day, they aren’t.  If you’re looking for a long term relationship, this is someone you intend on being with until your last days.  Change can only come from within.  Only you can control your own actions and who you are as a person.  I have a few guy friends who continue to date the same kinds of girls and yet, they keep getting burned.  This goes both ways.  Excuse my language but you can’t be Captain Save a Hoe.  Someone who doesn’t have their stuff together won’t magically get it together because you’re in their lives.  It is important that you realize you are with someone who makes you a better version of you, not bring you down.

There are obviously exceptions to the rule, you know urban myths where someone’s friend of a friend changed their husband and now they live happily ever after.  Remember, those are exceptions, not the rule.  I would recommend watching the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, it holds a lot of truth.  It’s one of my favorites when it comes to debunking dating myths.

6.  Your partner should be your best friend

Last, but not least, your significant other should be someone you can be yourself with.  They should be the one you trust with your deepest darkest secrets.  They should be someone you grow with.  There are some things you won’t share, like the latest on your favorite reality show or the intimate details of your best friend’s labor story.  It is one thing I have learned in my current relationship.  There are just some things he doesn’t care for, like how I might cut my finger nails from left to right or that I always forget passwords.  I have the tendency to over explain myself.  All in all, The Comedian always makes me laugh in even the most strenuous of circumstances but yet he is there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I can honestly say, I am truly happy with my current circumstance.  My point here is not to tell you what to do but my advice when it comes to entering a relationship from my own personal experience.  All relationships are different but remember you are the only one in charge of your own happiness.  If you’re not happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with anyone else.

My Own Happiness

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am a quote lover.  It is not uncommon that in conversation I might refer to a quote or two to prove my point when it comes to finding inner peace and happiness. The one I just mentioned by Ralph Waldo Emerson resonates with me because years ago I decided who I wanted to be.  Recently, at a book club meeting, we got into a heated conversation about finding happiness mostly due to our book selection "The Happiness Project" by Gretchin Rubin.  We were talking about how people fall into ruts when they go through traumatic situations.  I've always said,

"It's not what you've been through that makes you who you are it's how you handle it".

I am a firm believer that only you can change yourself.  For things to be different around you, the mindset you think with has to change as well.  I think that's the genius of positive thinking.  Your brain is such a powerful thing.  It change your mood within a second.  As humans, we want to blame other things for our well-being.  At the end of the day, it always comes down to us.  Entrepreneurs are successful because they already believe they are where they want to be.  People who are blessed surround themselves with those who love them which create a positive environment.  They are grateful for what they have, thus making them happier.

It might be strange to think that it is all true but I encourage you to try it.  If a negative thought comes into your head, brush it away and replace it with something positive.  Just try it for a day.  I would love to know how it turns out.

The Evolution of Val

The other day, I was perusing through my laptop and I came across some really old blogs from my college years.  I started read and reminisce over the drama, boy crazy, party girl phase of my life.  It's crazy to think that I've been writing blogs since 2004, almost 10 years ago.  It was on MySpace but at the time I felt like the next Puerto Rican Carrie Bradshaw. I have written down the way I felt since I was in middle school (I've read through those too).  Once, my sister took my diary in high school to the neighbor's house and read it out loud.  At the time, I was going through puberty and "discovering myself".  I thought the diary was private enough to write about...err... my experiences... but not then...lol.

Anyhow, I am in awe regarding the way I've progressed as a person.  Many of the same themes that have come through my head similar to the way I think now.  I believe a lot of this progression has to do with that one moment in life where you feel you hit rock bottom and commit to yourself that you don't want to be that person.  One of those moments happened to me when I was only 21.  I don't want to get into all of the gory details, that would be another blog.  You have to make a conscious decision that you want to be a certain person and stick with it, stick with it I did.  :-)

Life is a constant evolution.  I am a firm believer you should always be learning and bettering yourself.  The last time I felt like I was falling towards the bottom, I found positive thinking and God.  I doubt with those lessons by my side, I won't be at that place again.

I did go through my 20s dating all kinds of boys, learning new things about living as an adult and so much more.  I think my 30s are going to be fabulous.  Maybe in 10 years, I can reminisce again about the evolution of me.