Commitaphobes vs Monogamers

A good friend of mine, "Los" (short for Carlos) and I have talked several times about commitephobes and monogamers.  Both of them exist in the dating world.  I admit, for a long time, I was a commitaphobe.  There was a point I was about to get married to someone and I wanted to run so far, he would never find me.  I also dated several guys to the point where it was easy to run.  This had to do a lot with my abandonment issues.  It was easier to leave than to get too close to be vulnerable.  I then found my match... "The Comedian".  Oddly enough, he was known as a monogamer.   So what is a monogamer?  That is someone who is always in long term relationships.  My younger sister is a monogamer.  It is rare that she is out of a relationship for a long period of time.  She likes being in relationships and so does my fiance. When I met "The Comedian", I wondered what made me different from the other relationships he had in the past.  Would I be another long term relationship that would lead to eventual heartbreak?  I think my honesty upfront cleared up a lot of questions.  I would not be in a relationship unless I knew it was going to be something real.  There was something very different about "The Comedian" and there were other things that kind of put us together like the law of attraction.

There was definitely a change in me when I met him.  I knew it had to be a special guy for me to settle down.  It was kind of like Carrie and Big.  My ex fiance was like Aidan... I knew something was wrong and I ran.  "The Comedian" was always my "Mr. Big".  He has a big personality and a big heart.

I have come across both monogamers and commitaphobes in my quest for love.  I think I also liked the chase of a commitaphobe.  Those who made it too easy and they didn't challenge me caused me to want to run the other way.  I guess I wanted the "bad boy" in a sense.  Someone that was hard to get.  Who doesn't like an unhealthy challenge? (haha jk)  I think my friends who are married thought I was kind of a nut for these challenges but all in all I was on a quest for something great.  My own version of Sex and the City.  Carrie says it best,

“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.'”

I'm not sure how a monogamer and a commitaphobe got together but it works.  He pulls the best out of me and I do all that I can to learn to be vulnerable.  I know he loves me for my heart and the ability to continue to grow with him.  I made a decision that if I was going to really find love, I would have to let go and that's exactly what I did.

The Evolution of Val

The other day, I was perusing through my laptop and I came across some really old blogs from my college years.  I started read and reminisce over the drama, boy crazy, party girl phase of my life.  It's crazy to think that I've been writing blogs since 2004, almost 10 years ago.  It was on MySpace but at the time I felt like the next Puerto Rican Carrie Bradshaw. I have written down the way I felt since I was in middle school (I've read through those too).  Once, my sister took my diary in high school to the neighbor's house and read it out loud.  At the time, I was going through puberty and "discovering myself".  I thought the diary was private enough to write about...err... my experiences... but not then...lol.

Anyhow, I am in awe regarding the way I've progressed as a person.  Many of the same themes that have come through my head similar to the way I think now.  I believe a lot of this progression has to do with that one moment in life where you feel you hit rock bottom and commit to yourself that you don't want to be that person.  One of those moments happened to me when I was only 21.  I don't want to get into all of the gory details, that would be another blog.  You have to make a conscious decision that you want to be a certain person and stick with it, stick with it I did.  :-)

Life is a constant evolution.  I am a firm believer you should always be learning and bettering yourself.  The last time I felt like I was falling towards the bottom, I found positive thinking and God.  I doubt with those lessons by my side, I won't be at that place again.

I did go through my 20s dating all kinds of boys, learning new things about living as an adult and so much more.  I think my 30s are going to be fabulous.  Maybe in 10 years, I can reminisce again about the evolution of me.