And We Watched Football

We looked at the stars while he passed me my drink. This is just the way I’ve always wanted to experience life. The beach chairs in his parent’s backyard gave us the perfect view of the sparkling night sky. I met him through a mutual friend at a club and our personalities just clicked. I wondered what attracted me to him in the first place because it wasn’t his sense of style or his good looks. There was just something about him. “Hey, the game will be on in about 30 minutes. You wanna jump in the pool for a quick swim before the game?”, he asked presumptuously.

I nodded with delight. We both got down to our knickers. I jumped in first and realized I didn’t have a drink in my hand, “Hey Pedro!” I called, “Can you grab our drinks?”

He turned around, grabbed both of our red plastic cups, and headed back to the pool. He set the drinks down on the ladder for easy access and started to splash water in my face! “Hey! My hair isn’t naturally curly!” I yelled.

We both laughed. He grabbed my drink and we started to ramble on about how stars were created and whether they will exist at the world’s end. You know, real nerdy stuff.

I couldn’t help but smile and laugh when we chatted. I’m not sure if it was the high or the inebriation. It doesn’t matter I was having a blast. Pedro got out of the water, grabbed our towels, and told me the game was about to start. This was a mutual team of ours that we loved watching together and for whatever reason when we watched them together, they won.

Pedro’s parents were gone for the week visiting family in California so there was no reason I should be in a hurry to leave. That was one thing that bothered me about him. He was in his 30s and still lived with his parents. Also, I didn’t even know when he had his last relationship. It was apparent he had no intention of ever settling down. I enjoyed his company as it was. There were no strings even though over time I started having feelings for him. In time, it would come to fruition that we will always have our memories.

I sat down on the long sectional and he was in the recliner. He looked over to me and said, “Hey, come over here.” I happily obliged. I sat on his lap and the game begun. We clinked our plastic cups, I grabbed some snacks off the table next to the chair, and watched the emotional rollercoaster that we call football. I don’t know what’s worse, Grey’s Anatomy and their constant need to have characters die off or watching a team that is never consistent. So emotional! Needless to say, I love the sport.

It was simply the best. We cheered, cried, he teased me because I gave up too early, and our team won. Then we went up to his childhood bedroom. After that, well, I never kiss and tell.

The Old Role Switcheroo

I've noticed from the relationship I have with parents, it seems we took on the parental role way too soon in our lives.  I read recently in the Chicago Tribune, that it's becoming more and more normal for children to take on the parental roles too soon in their lives.  This to me seems a bit unfair.  I remember having a very secluded childhood, especially in my teens.  I had my escape by going to band camp, however, when I got home, I had to take care of my younger sister.  It was like my mom was not aware of her misbehaving or let her do what she wanted and my dad didn't play a role in our lives after I was 14.  He actually just reappeared maybe 3 years ago.  I was 16 years old, keeping out eye out on my sister, making sure the neighbor didn't leave a hickey on her neck large enough for my mom to see. This, in turn, caused me to feel like I have always been responsible for my sister and left me longing for a relationship with my mom.  When I left for college, I was set on the idea that I would finally do something for myself.  But I left with guilt because things just seemed to fall apart for my sister after I went away for college.  She ended up dropping out of high school and moving in with her boyfriend at the time.  I think she was only 16.  I had always wondered what would had happened if I never left.

After many years of therapy and sessions with the Comedian, my very own therapist, I know I'm not responsible for my younger sister.  I was too young to feel that responsible for her.  This feeling of responsibility affected my relationships with others because I felt like I had to save everyone.  Hence why I probably dated a lot of guys who needed saving.  Sigh... if I could count the ways.  I remember picking up an ex boyfriend at a bus stop just to hang out because he couldn't make it all the way.  It wasn't until I met the Comedian that finally I had someone to take care of me and vice versa.

The article in the Chicago Tribune suggests just as I described above, growing up too fast leaves scars on children's lives as they get older.  I laugh a little because I see the descriptions of some of these kids:

"A straight-A student comes home and starts supper, knowing she'll spend the evening listening to her dad talk about his troubled personal life."

"A young beauty-pageant contestant beams at her mom, who is proud to call her daughter her best friend."

I know people who have had these kinds of lives.  It's just interesting how our parents drag us back into our roles of the one that grew up too fast.  I still have the tendency to want to do everything for my family members.  I know it might be selfish but for my own well being and sanity, it is good to step back every now and then to let them figure it out.

No One Likes the Same Flavor of Ice Cream

In the mornings, I like indulge myself with talk radio.  I know it's not good for me but I enjoy listening to other people ramble about their opinions except when the topic becomes really shallow, then I change to the station with no commercials and no talking.  The other day, a topic came up that I couldn't really listen to, it actually made me kind of sad that people need to justify themselves with the opinion. I might come off judgmental saying this, however, the topic was whether you get upset when you take the time to make yourself look good and no one compliments you.  In all reality, who cares?!?!  Beauty comes from the inside.  I have learned over the years that if I exude confidence and I know that I am beautiful then others will notice.  As a matter of fact, growing up, my younger sister always made it a competition to have all the boys like her.  I was very awkward and insecure from middle to high school.  She was always the pretty, thin one, popular one (in my eyes).  But one day, something happened... someone liked me over her.  Blasphemy!  Honestly, I was kind of shocked and surprised but that doesn't matter.

In time I learned that the same guys who like me aren't going to like her and vice versa.  I only say that because we are two different people.  We have different likes, we look very different, and have very different personalities.  I am okay with that.  I love nerds (which is very apparent if you were ever to meet the Comedian, he does IT for a living).  Some people used to ask me whether it bothered me if I was overlooked and I used to tell them,

"No one likes the same flavor of ice cream.  They just might not like my flavor."

Topics like the one mentioned on the radio the other just shows how insecure people might be.  They justify it with making it a big deal that they might spend 2 hours getting ready for whatever event they might be going to.  That's great!  Spend that time getting ready if it makes YOU feel beautiful.  At the end of the day, you are responsible for you so take care of yourself.  Make yourself look the way you feel.  There's a saying that goes,

"Dress for the job you want."

That also goes for every day life.  You deserve to feel beautiful inside and out regardless of the opinions are others.  Remember, opinions are like ummmm (trying not to curse) mouths, everyone has one.  :-)

The Evolution of Val

The other day, I was perusing through my laptop and I came across some really old blogs from my college years.  I started read and reminisce over the drama, boy crazy, party girl phase of my life.  It's crazy to think that I've been writing blogs since 2004, almost 10 years ago.  It was on MySpace but at the time I felt like the next Puerto Rican Carrie Bradshaw. I have written down the way I felt since I was in middle school (I've read through those too).  Once, my sister took my diary in high school to the neighbor's house and read it out loud.  At the time, I was going through puberty and "discovering myself".  I thought the diary was private enough to write about...err... my experiences... but not then...lol.

Anyhow, I am in awe regarding the way I've progressed as a person.  Many of the same themes that have come through my head similar to the way I think now.  I believe a lot of this progression has to do with that one moment in life where you feel you hit rock bottom and commit to yourself that you don't want to be that person.  One of those moments happened to me when I was only 21.  I don't want to get into all of the gory details, that would be another blog.  You have to make a conscious decision that you want to be a certain person and stick with it, stick with it I did.  :-)

Life is a constant evolution.  I am a firm believer you should always be learning and bettering yourself.  The last time I felt like I was falling towards the bottom, I found positive thinking and God.  I doubt with those lessons by my side, I won't be at that place again.

I did go through my 20s dating all kinds of boys, learning new things about living as an adult and so much more.  I think my 30s are going to be fabulous.  Maybe in 10 years, I can reminisce again about the evolution of me.