2016 - A Year in Review

I'd like to think this "Year in Review" idea could be an annual thing.  I like to reflect on the past year and its triumphs and challenges.  I really began this year in a good place as I was planning my wedding to The Comedian.  There were hopes and dreams that I wanted to accomplish.

Year in Review

I was working at a job where I loved the people, but as the year wore on, so did the job.  I worked from 8 am to 6 or 7 PM on some days plus going outside in a construction environment did not weigh very well on my energy.  I started losing myself.  I didn't feel that I had the energy to work on the one thing that brought me life, this blog.  Not only that, I struggled to lose weight for the big day.  I remember lying in bed with The Comedian after a long heated discussion about following our dreams.  He felt that I was losing my passion.  I sincerely was just in a rut.  I told him that by the end of the year, I would quit my job and pursue freelance writing full-time.  This would give me the opportunity to focus on what I loved most, writing.

Luckily, after a few craigslist posts, I found some great clients who both gave me the opportunity to quit my job and still make enough money to support myself.  I was on a roll.  My goal came to life.  This past holiday season has been full of meetings and pursuing even more clients.  Val's Bytes will not be left behind either.  Look out for new podcasts in a different format in 2017.

I have been to two weddings this year, including my own.  I don't remember any baby showers.  And I was given the greatest gift of all, a husband who supports my every endeavor.

As I reflect back on this year, I think about all of the negative things that happened.  The shooting at Pulse Shooting Pulse Nightclub in my hometown of Orlando, deaths of so many celebrities including Prince, and the emotional stress of working a job that drained me both mentally and physically.

Create a Your Own Destiny

But I am grateful for changes that occurred that brought me closer to what is on my vision board.  As a challenge to you, I want you to create your own vision board (I will put mine down below).  If you visualize and pray for the things in life you want, they will come.  Keep a positive outlook and don't let negative thoughts enter your mind.  The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle says,

“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

A goal without a plan is a dream (I saw this in a meme the other day).  With this year in review, I want you to create an opportunity for success.  Visualize the things you want, keep a positive mindset, and those things will come.  I know because it has happened to me.

Happy New Year!

Knowing Me First

"To love others you must first love yourself" - Leo Buscaglia

Since the chain of events that changed my life in my early twenties, I found it a mission to really mold myself into the person that I wanted to become.  In order to that, you have to be conscious of your own nuances.  Why do I get angry when this happens?  Why do I cry when that happens?  These questions consistently rattled my mind of years.  Maybe enlightenment was the path I was supposed to take, who knows?  All I know was is that I wanted to understand me.

My biggest struggle was handling emotions.  I absolutely despise confrontation.  I've always been a better communicator through writing.  I don't know if I was conditioned by AOL chat rooms but that's what happened.  In relationships, I found myself going to a third person to vent my frustrations instead of talking to my boyfriend at the time.  All that ended up doing was creating a pathway for my roommate to get close to my boyfriend then start seeing him after we broke up :-/  Then I realized, when you start making excuses for the other person, that is when you should start questioning the happiness in your relationship.  You should never want to change the person you're with but you should be with someone that does make you a better version of yourself, not bring you down.

When I get upset, I tend to start shaking, then I have this uncontrollable urge to cry.  Ha!  I must sound like a mess...lol.  I had to learn to hone in my emotions so that I would understand how to react whenever I do get angry.  I promise, I am much better than I used to be.  It does take a lot to get me to the point where I am angry or upset.  The idea is to handle it when I get there, not bottle it up and put it to the side.

I can't stress enough that I'm not perfect, no one is.  But I do work on myself every single day.  Some days are good, some days are great and others are just plain awful.  We are in charge of everything we put in front of us.  Think about what got you here because if you want to get out, you're the only one who can save YOU.

Anxiously Waiting

This past weekend I was presented with a new thought. Growing up, I was told to be on time. Worse, I was told I had to be 5 minutes early because being on time was considered late. You can thank my military upbringing. I have always made an effort to let people know I was on my way, running late or I couldn't make it. Something in my conscience told me that was the right thing to do. After doing some thinking after a conversation, I started to wonder where the anxiety came from. Why did I feel the necessity to tell someone so much information without them asking for it? I felt it was polite or the right thing to do but was it even something they cared to know. I'm not honestly sure, I did it because I felt it was a courtesy. But this goes deeper than all of that. After reading The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, I realize that we do things and hope the same in return.

I've learned over time that you should not expect people to be like you. Trust me, it wasn't easy considering I can be a grammar nazi sometimes and I want to correct anyone any chance I get. But that, in turn, it's unnecessary. People respect you more when they ask you for help and you provide it. I learned to just be patient and be there when someone needs help with something that I know.

Recently, I realized that I struggled with just that, the know it all attitude. I have been so proud of being on time, I didn't realize that I was imposing the behavior on someone who wasn't accustomed to my punctuality. I started to dig deeper into why I got nervous when they didn't arrive in the time expected and an old friend reared their ugly head.

I know I've mentioned in previous blogs before but I have experienced serious bouts with abandonment. It all boils down to being left alone, then, feeling uncomfortable because I was expecting that person to come to my call and take the aloneness away. This realization surprised me. I felt that I have come a long way from where I was last year but for whatever reason, I'm still battling an old demon.

As I continue to discover nuances about myself, I have to remember all of the learning I did late last year and early this year. Stay in the moment, enjoy those you are with and time is of the essence. Be positive. Never let old demons beat you because they are not who you are. You are now, the present not what's on your mind.