5 Topics Couples Don’t Discuss Until It’s Too Late

Murphy's law teaches us only one thing. Couples should discuss topics that can go south before they occur. Marriage is a fortress; its stability depends on how much attention you devote while building its base. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, that’s why you should discuss this topic on time; it might spare you of nerve-wracking situations in marriage.

Finances and money investments

Math and love don’t get along. Falling in love is something utterly irrational, and it should stay that way. No one ever said, I might spend my life with this person”, it just happens, like a bolt from the blue, without thinking you are already wearing a ring. But there should be a place for numbers in marriage. Even for little things like groceries, double companions should be equally involved. It allows marriage to be founded on confidence and trust. Long-term financial planning is of particular importance because it ensures the intentions of the spouse and strengthens a marriage. The less concern you get, the more, you will enjoy your marriage, and it will be easier to overcome other problems.

Sex life

Determine your sex life. Be clear how often would you like to have sex. I get it; everything works fine, sex is great, and you are deeply in love, you apparently think, why should I discuss something which is already perfect? In fact, if you want it to stay like that, it is important to start talking about sex life so you can prevent potential problems that might be just around the corner. The downfall of passion is waiting for you, and, sooner or later, it will happen. This is normal, but it won’t seem so if you don’t discuss it before it happens. A possible outcome is that your partner may start to doubt you, it is almost inevitable. This can be a cause for major problems in a marriage. Feel free to talk through every possible situation that crosses your mind.

Spirituality

You might end up in a relationship with a person that doesn't share your beliefs. No one expects big changes or surprises in this area after going to the registrar. Let’s say I’m a deeply religious person, but my wife is an atheist. That’s all right, I respect her views and beliefs, and she respects mine. But when children come along, you might face a situation where neither of you knows how to educate them. How do you make a compromise when things are opposed? A solution to this problem might be expressing both sides’ attitudes to the children as they grow so they can decide what is better for them. You may be lucky with a partner who is not stubborn, but imagine all this with a person who doesn’t want to make concessions. This could put marriage into question.

Career goals and aspirations

People should always think about getting married if they tend to pursue higher education and job success. We are living in modern society, and the “housewife norm” in traditional families is a thing of the past. On the other side, our reproductive organs are still same. There is no such a thing as accelerated pregnancy, and that won’t exist anytime soon, so partners should be aware of each other's plans in their professional lives. Different attitudes about having kids may be a great destruction force that can threaten a marriage, so it’s better to talk about that before it's too late, but not too early and not on a first date.

In-laws issues and influence of other people

This part should be simple, it’s your marriage, your story, and it should be without external influences, but reality is something else, other people will try to shape your marriage. Newlyweds will always have a strong bond with their parents and friends, that's normal, but there should be boundaries when it comes to your partnership. Each decision should be made by the spouses and their agreement. It is critical to envisage this before you drop the anchor. Involvement of other persons increases the chance of an unstable marriage.

Many other things are important to discuss before you lead your darling to the altar but from my experience, this are most important

Positivity is your Destiny

This morning provided a new sense of motivation for myself. During my vacation from work, I decided to take the opportunity to really work on writing but where would this motivation come from? The Comedian sent me a text to listen to yesterday's message from Joel Osteen and everything was ignited. He touched on something I brought up yesterday. You are in charge of your destiny. If you decide to be negative, then negativity will follow you. If you decide to be positive then great things will happen. While watching a video the Comedian sent me, I saw this quote,

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it" - Thomas Jefferson

I've heard several stories through the years which drive me to work towards more dreams more diligently. For example, the author of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Jack Canfield, was searching for an idea that would take him out of his financial slum. He wrote himself a check for $100,000 and envisioned actually receiving the check. One day, he came up with the idea to sell articles for $1.00 each. Next thing you know, he sold 100,000 and made his goal. Jim Carrey wrote himself a check for $10 million when he was just starting his career in LA. Only a little time later, we was signed on to do Dumb and Dumber which paid him exactly that.

You're probably sitting there saying, that won't happen to me. What makes me so special. That's exactly it. You are bringing yourself down with your own self doubt. When you envision actually having the things you want, they will start to happen. God works in mysterious ways. When you take the time to listen to the positivity around you and stop clouding yourself with doubt, you will find that things will start happening in your favor.

All of my life people told me there was something special about me. I have yet to really discover what that is but I will not lose hope. I know that I am meant for something amazing. You know what, so are you! There is a quote I came up about a year or two ago,

"I refuse to believe misery is my destiny"

Don't let misery control you. You are the only one in charge of your destiny.

Who do I want to be?

A couple of nights ago, I was having a conversation with the Comedian about my last post. We talked about the human condition and our parents. I have always compared my parents to my friend's parents and wished I was in a different situation. I spent the majority of my teens and early twenties trying to figure out how to live life. My dad had left and my mom was never very emotionally available. During that time, I didn't have much guidance, all I knew is that I wanted to leave go away to college and that's what I did. I lived the cliche life of a lost college girl figuring it all out or letting my friends figure it out for me. My point after all of this is that I really didn't have much guidance during that time of my life. Finding my identity was not an easy feat but I don't believe it's an easy feat for anyone, I guess I personally found it difficult because I didn't have anyone to look up to.At the end of the day, everyone has a story. Someone's parents used to abuse them or their father was an alcoholic. I believe those traits might either give us character or we fall into the same pattern. (On a side note, I find this topic even more interesting because I started it a few days ago and on my way back from Miami this past weekend, the Comedian and I were listening to Joel Osteen who gave a sermon on a very similar topic... ahh serendipity). You, as a person, chooses whether you want to inherit your parent's habits. Some of make excuses for every day life, it's because its the way my mom did it or its because my dad had a temper. Life is really about choices. We choose our clothes each day, what time we wake up, whether we wear our hair up or down. It's maybe hard to comprehend but you do have a choice to be angry or upset. I believe I read this quote once:

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." ~Wayne Dyer

In Joel Osteen's message, he said you are the one who can break the personality trait and you choose whether you pass it down to your children. My point out of all of this is whether you have guidance or not, at the end of the day, you have the final choice on how you want to be as a person. It might be hard to believe, but once you consistently think positively and pay close attention to your actions, things will start to look different. People will start treating you differently. It's absolutely amazing.

You don't have to be your mother's habits or have your father's temper. You can be whomever you want to be. It's the beauty of the mind. It's yours.

Marilyn

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Last night, in between watching the NBA Finals, I watched this documentary about Marilyn Monroe. Call me a history geek but I love to watch stories of famous figures and where they came from. Something about their road to fame has always intrigued me. I didn't know much about Marilyn Monroe minus the fact that she committed suicide, sang to the president and the numerous quotes I see on Facebook and Instagram.

I found that she was an extremely insecure person who hid her reality behind this persona she created. I mean, it seemed it was genius that she was this sexual temptress and knew exactly what she was was doing. But at the end of the day, it was all a rouse. Just something that she was expected to be and she put herself there. I watched her struggle through her life fighting the stigma she was thought to be from the beginning of her career. I mean she consistently read books to fight the fact that she didn't finish high school.

After watching the documentary, I came to think to myself how much I related to her at one point in my life. It was so easy to push people out instead of letting them see the demons I hid in my closet. Granted, I wasn't an orphan and went from foster home to foster home, but I was very alone for a long time. Alone in the sense that I felt like no one really knew who I was and I chose not to share my deepest thoughts. It was easier to put a wall up and not deal with being vulnerable.

What I realized over time is that I would drive myself crazy by being that alone. I can understand that Marilyn probably didn't want to be in her head. Women, in general, do have their thoughts go a mile a minute. I remember there were times where I would get so frustrated with myself that I would just want to scream. It's crazy what a little self reflection would do to you.

I do want to reiterate that knowing who you truly are inside and out is so important to your own sanity as well as those around you. Over time, I have been able to hone in on my idiosyncrasies. I am no where near perfect but I do recognize my faults and work on them. Also, I have realized that I've never truly been alone. I've always had God right beside me through my journey of life. It's crazy to think that was the one thing I couldn't grasp for the longest time and now that I do, I am so much happier. I do wonder, what could had been done to save Marilyn.

Serendipity

Recently, life has been very interesting to me specifically in some coincidental occurrences. As you all might know, I have recently started a relationship with God. With that, a lot of prayer has come into my life. It's strange because I can honestly say, I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. I'm completely content. There have been a series of events that I have come in contact with that have made me realize that there's a reason we might be put in places for a reason. I believe it to be God's work, I'm being told something. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a Women's of ALPFA event which is a National Professional organization geared towards Hispanics. I gladly accepted the invitation but I had no idea what I was in for. I was thinking it was another networking event, not that those kinds of events are bad. I believe putting yourself out in the public is a great way to make contacts. You never know when you can make a connection that might be beneficial to you or someone you know.

Anyhow, after the dinner and some preliminary speeches, the keynote speaker was helped up the stage. Her name is Janet Perez Eckles. She is a inspirational woman who lost her sight at the age of 31. Even when all odds were against her, she still succeeded in becoming an interpreter and a New York Times best selling author. Her energy was just simply amazing. There was a reason I was asked to be at that place at that time. I'm more than sure several people were touched in that room but hearing her speech made me realize that writing was truly my calling. I knew the idea has been ringing in my ears for several years but this was a push to go after something I love.

I realize sometimes it might seem uncanny that we're at a certain place at a time but I believe that there's a reason for everything. I was at another event for another professional organization called NSHMBA which is geared towards promoting those in the community to get their MBA and I am on the executive board as the Director of Marketing. Anyhow, after we had our networking icebreaker, I was stopped by a gentleman who was in my boyfriend's icebreaker's group. He went on to compliment my boyfriend as being the good man that I know he is but I digress. We continued talking. I discovered that he was recently divorced and ready to get back into the dating game. He had started to question whether online dating was worth it. I kind of laughed to myself as I had dated online for quite a few years. I went on to tell him that there was nothing to fear when using a different medium to meet people. This city has become so involved with their own personal matters, its hard to come out of one's shell to make the first move. Being online just makes it easier to meet people who are serious about finding a relationship and being able to weed out those you might be interested in.

I have found that as long as you meet people in a safe environment, there is nothing to fear except they might not be who you expected. But those kinds of occurrences can happen anywhere. If you meet someone at a club, they might not have the personality you can really connect to or if you met them through a friend, they might take to you to Chik Fil A on the first date. When you date, you're taking a chance in hopes that maybe this opportunity might lead to a relationship. After speaking to him, he thanked me. It was odd. If we had never met, he would probably never have the confidence in dating online.

I'm not sure if being in the right place at the right time is really what this is all about. I think it's about the fact that you do seriously pray for guidance, God will direct you in the path you are destined to go but you have to slow down and listen.