Online Dating - You're Doing It Wrong

Smartphones and apps have opened the floodgates of free online dating. And why not? You can meet lots of interesting people online - more than you'll meet in a loud, smoky bar. You can filter them to make sure their age, appearance, background, and interests are compatible with yours. And it's fun. Research firm GlobalWebIndex reported in 2015 that 91 million people are using apps like Tinder. Why not? Tinder has millions and millions of users. Surely the person you're looking for has an account.

NEEDLE, MEET HAYSTACK

Maybe so. But Tinder's strength - that it is so widely used - is also its weakness. You're not looking to date millions of people. You're looking to find a particular someone.

General-purpose apps and dating websites try to convince you that having lots of members is a benefit. But in most cases, such sites are a waste of time. (That's one reason their customer ratings are so low.)

Suppose you’re interested solely in guys with beards. Or maybe someone who shares your religious background. A general-purpose dating app may let you set filters so you see only members who match your criteria.

But that doesn’t mean you’ll find lots of them. Like you, people in niche categories find general-interest dating sites and apps frustrating, inefficient, and boring. So you don’t find them there.

A MATTER OF FOCUS

Luckily, savvy website operators have created specialized dating sites for people with particular interests. You can now find a website to help you connect with guys with beards, or fellow Catholics, or big beautiful women, or guys with children, or women with tattoos, or married people interested in discreet relationships, or...well, you name it!

A niche dating site is more efficient because you don't have to wade through the profiles of lots of people who don't match your interests. Better yet, such a site is a community of people who share your attraction. You'll enjoy a real sense of community at a niche site. You can pick up useful online dating tips, chat with like-minded singles, and compare experiences.

A niche site attracts precisely the people you are looking for. And because it rewards their searches with qualified potential partners, they stay active. They tell their friends. The site becomes more and more useful over time.

Best of all, you can be sure that you'll find just the kind of dating partner you're looking for.

Let other singles waste their time swiping left and swiping right on Tinder. You're better off with a niche dating website where you can meet exactly who you're looking for.

Contributed by Dating VIP

AOL Chat Rooms and My Prom Date

Recently, I read an article about two dating gurus met on twitter and are now engaged. The woman in this situation mentioned that she had been dating online since she was 19. At that point, I felt compelled to tell my story. I started dating online since I was 17. Almost 12 years of dating online until the Comedian and I made it official. In the days of AOL chat rooms and dial up, I was curious on how to meet new people. Right before my prom, I had asked an old coworker that I was interested in to come with me and he agreed. Needless to say, I should had at least reminded him on a monthly or weekly basis that he was taking me. When it was a few weeks before the prom, I called in to check on him. We weren't seriously dating nor did I know what kind of relationship we had so I had a hard time keeping track or getting returned phone calls. Finally, when I did get in touch with him, he informed me he totally forgot and that he was sorry. He had to work that day.

I was devastated. This was my senior prom and my world was over. For a 17 year old, that was serious business. I hit the chat rooms. I think at the time there was an Orlando chat room and I entered, just to get some sort of consolation. I entered my a/s/l and the conversations started flowing. "Hey Valenlatina", "What's going on Valen". Finally, I started a conversation with someone. He lived about an hour away and was willing to hear my sob story. A girl in need of a date for prom.

After talking for a while, he finally said, "I'll take you to your prom." I was overjoyed. I had a date! But first I had to meet this guy in person.

We met a local tourist spot called Old Town. If you're from Kissimmee/Orlando, you know exactly where this place is. He was a very polite guy and this was a good first meeting. Really nothing to write home about. We walked around Old Town and talked. My online experience was officially a success. He wasn't exactly my type and that became more apparent at my prom, however, I NEEDED a date.

The rest was history. I was just not that into him. My mom thought he was cute though. Better her than me, I guess. This is where my dating adventures began and I wouldn't change anything about it. Except my hair. I had really bad hair for my prom but that's another battle.

The A.D.D. of Dating with Technology

Recently, I've been intrigued with the technology and dating.  Only 10 years ago, we had to watch how many text messages were sent and whether we could make a phone call after 9 PM.  Now everything seems to be unlimited.  I think over 10 years ago, Facebook didn't exist.  It's just crazy to think of how we dated even back then.  At that time, I was in college (Go Gators!!)  I remember being in high school and talking on the phone all hours of the night on the cordless phone and when the phone died, I had a super long extension cord for the other phone in the living room.  All of that doesn't exist anymore.  Everyone has a cell phone.  Shoot, no one even talks on the phone anymore, they text. My point is that now that communication is literally at our fingertips, how does that change the dynamic of dating?  Before, a girl would run home in hopes that the guy she liked called her.  Now, our phone is on us 24/7.  Imagine the added anxiety to either side of the spectrum.  We can now share pictures within a second.  I really do agree with the idea that because we instantly have information, it causes us to be impatient.  If we don't know an answer, we Google it.  If we want to talk to someone, we call their cell.  If we want to show a photo or share and idea, we post it somewhere.

Its insane to think how different things were only 10 years ago, and they will only progress.  People will become less patient when it comes to wanting information.  It has become common that 2 people who meet each other would text consistently through the day, everyday during the first couple of weeks of dating.  But where is the suspense, the hoping, the wondering that we used to anticipate?  The excitement dwindles off much sooner than it might have 10 years ago.  I can only speak from a woman's perspective when it comes to all of this.  I wonder to myself, is there a balance?  Texting, facebooking, social networking can be the demise of the beginning of a relationship.  It becomes way too much too fast.  Don't get me wrong, I believe you know when you have something good, you really know it but I think less is more in this case.  I have been in situations where I gave someone my number and regretted it.  Some insecure guy who spoke nonsense and asked me if I was okay and why I wasn't responding.  Annoying!  I have a secret for you ladies.  If you think a guy is annoying when he does that, so are you.  :-)

Give the other person the opportunity to miss you, to think about you, to really process what is in their head.  That's when its worth it.  Because then you know for sure its not just smothering information, its real feelings.  I read recently in a book, your emotions are your true thoughts, don't let your head get in the way.

Dating 101 - Online dating

I believe I have mentioned this before, but I've been dating online since I was 17 years old in the days of AOL chat rooms.  As a matter of fact, my date for Senior prom was someone I met in that very chat room.  Long story short, I had a date who forgot to ask for the day off and I frantically found a replacement. I have several dates, meetings, phone calls and texts under my belt so I have decided to give you pearls of wisdom:

1.  When creating a profile, have a mixture of close ups and full body shots.  I believe you should not give anyone surprises as to how you look.  No guy or girl wants to show up on a date with someone who is 50 lbs heavier or 30 years older.  I think you want to have some sort of genuine relationship and it is never good basing it all of a lie.  It is never a pleasant feeling having your hopes up and being super disappointed.  Also, if you are not happy with yourself, how do you expect to be happy in a relationship.

2.  Less is more.  You don't want to post your whole life story on the internet.  It doesn't leave any intrigue to the person reading your profile.  Also, no one wants to read a 10 page essay on how you're tired of finding the wrong guy.  Be very straight forward as to who you are, your likes and dislikes and what you're looking for.  Keep at maybe 10 sentences at the very max.  See one of mine as an example:

"I am a goal oriented, motivated Latina woman who is always willing to learn more. I've always been told I am very laid back and easy to get along with. I absolutely love dancing salsa. Also, I love to be surrounded by those who enjoy life and never take what they have in front of them for granted. I am a social butterfly and love to be around people. I try to stay as busy as possible so there is never a dull moment. I would like to meet someone who could keep up with my energy. You could say I'm an optimist but life is so much better living when one is happy. I would love to meet someone who is into sports (I love football GO GIANTS and GO GATORS!) and who is easy going. I'm a lover, not a fighter. I would love someone who's not afraid to be themselves and make me laugh. Laughter is one of the most important attributes someone should have. Finally, I need someone who is willing to understand and communicate their feelings. I want to meet my best friend. I believe chivalry should not be dead. It says a lot when a man takes initiative."

3.  Do what makes you comfortable. Some guys online tend to very pushy.  Do not allow someone to get your phone number right off the bat.  When someone gives you a good vibe, you'll know it and let him pursue you.  If he actually makes an effort to have a conversation with you online, then asks for your phone number, then it is okay to move forward.  There are some guys only looking for one thing.  Some are very straight forward about it and some are very very sneaky.  Those sneaky guys are usually just insecure and trying to boost their egos with a conquest.  Don't get overwhelmed with the messages either.  On some sites, they see fresh meat and attack.  Take everything at your own pace.  No one is holding a gun to your head to answer ASAP.  Plus its not that hard to filter.  Someone worth talking to will make an effort in their message, not just say "hi" or "what's up".

4.  Always meet in a public place.  I repeat ALWAYS meet in a public place.  You really don't know this guy.  He could sound great over the phone but the next thing you know he could be a stage 5 clinger.  You don't want him to know where you live.  Your house, apartment, living quarters or where ever is very intimate.  This is the place you call your sanctuary. Don't go to his place either.  Bad things happen when you're isolated.  Trust me.  I'm not saying all guys are bad but I'm saying there are bad eggs out there.  You will feel more comfortable where there are a lot of people around.  Also, let someone close to you know where you are going, just in case.

5.  Have an escape plan (optional) This is a matter of preference.  I will admit, I have done this in the past but I have coordinated with girl friends to call me 30 minutes into the date to make sure I'm okay.  This could be your way out especially if you're unsure about the guy.  If the guy is totally whack, then make up your part of the conversation when your friends call.  Say, "I don't normally pick up calls but my friend doesn't usually call me this late."  or something to that extent.

6.  Be yourself. There is nothing more sexy about a confident woman who knows how to throw her hair back and have a good time.  Laughter adds more years to your life so embrace it.  If things don't work out, no worries, there are more fishies in the sea (no pun intended).

I hope my tips help you in being a little bit more secure with journey into the online dating world.  I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have for this process.  I mean I blog about dating because its something I definitely know.