Is this your Reality?

Yet another conversation with the Comedian has inspired me today.  You know its a beautiful thing in a relationship when conversations spark a stream of creativity.  We have discussed in the past, other people's realities.  It's not easy to explain but when you become conscious by living in the present, the remedial things like gossip and drama that other people might emphasize don't matter to you.  In all honesty, I had some situations where I became bothered by someone else's reality.  You really just want to enjoy each moment as beautiful as it is.  When poison starts interrupting those moments, you become distracted and the goal is to get back to where you were.

I remembered, in watching The Secret, they mentioned that sometimes when you wake on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, it might create a whole day of negative energy but in reality as soon as you feel like you're going in that direction, you have every right to change your mood around.  Only you are in charge of your emotions and your surroundings.  That includes those who surround yourself with.  Another interesting book I've been reading, The 4-Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss, touches on the idea that the 5 closest people closest to you are a reflection of who you are.  It's been a long road, but I can honestly say that true with those very close to me.

I am reminded that everyone has their own reality and we are not one to change those realities.  We are to just accept them and only control our own destiny.  This past Sunday's sermon, Joel Osteen said, "Nothing you have done has canceled your destiny." God still has a plan for you.  It is your choice to listen.  If we want to live in a reality that fogs our vision to who we really want to become then we might not get there.  The way my life has changed in the last 9 months, I want to continue to choose a path of positive enlightenment.  What about you?

"I am what I choose to become!"

"I am what I choose to become!".

The Evolution of Val

The other day, I was perusing through my laptop and I came across some really old blogs from my college years.  I started read and reminisce over the drama, boy crazy, party girl phase of my life.  It's crazy to think that I've been writing blogs since 2004, almost 10 years ago.  It was on MySpace but at the time I felt like the next Puerto Rican Carrie Bradshaw. I have written down the way I felt since I was in middle school (I've read through those too).  Once, my sister took my diary in high school to the neighbor's house and read it out loud.  At the time, I was going through puberty and "discovering myself".  I thought the diary was private enough to write about...err... my experiences... but not then...lol.

Anyhow, I am in awe regarding the way I've progressed as a person.  Many of the same themes that have come through my head similar to the way I think now.  I believe a lot of this progression has to do with that one moment in life where you feel you hit rock bottom and commit to yourself that you don't want to be that person.  One of those moments happened to me when I was only 21.  I don't want to get into all of the gory details, that would be another blog.  You have to make a conscious decision that you want to be a certain person and stick with it, stick with it I did.  :-)

Life is a constant evolution.  I am a firm believer you should always be learning and bettering yourself.  The last time I felt like I was falling towards the bottom, I found positive thinking and God.  I doubt with those lessons by my side, I won't be at that place again.

I did go through my 20s dating all kinds of boys, learning new things about living as an adult and so much more.  I think my 30s are going to be fabulous.  Maybe in 10 years, I can reminisce again about the evolution of me.

Ignorance is Bliss

I'm normally fairly positive however there is one thing that bothers me, maybe because I've been a victim of it in my younger years, discrimination.  In light of recent events, Marc Anthony was ridiculed via Twitter for singing "America" because it was thought to be un-American.  I am floored by these kinds of comments only because 1.  He was born in New York.  2.  He is Puerto Rican.  (Puerto Rico is a common wealth of the U.S. and those who live there are American citizens).  3.  Spanish is the 2nd most widely spoken language in the world.  4.  The U.S. is a melting pot.  Yes, he's a Grammy winning artist, but that shouldn't matter at all, right?.  :-/  Not even a months ago, members of the University of Southern Mississippi chanted to a Puerto Rican basketball player, "Where's your Green card?"  Ignorance.

I think its sad that most Americans don't know their own history.  Every single one of us are descendants of immigrants in one form or fashion.  It is even said to believe that Native American came over from Eurasia over the Bering Strait.  Anyone with European ancestors had to get here somehow.  Because Hispanics speak a different language, it doesn't mean we're any less American than anyone else.  I don't speak Mexican or Puerto Rican.  I speak Spanish, English, and a little Italian. :-)

My father served in the U.S. Army for over 30 years and retired as a Lt. Colonel.  I still cry when I hear the National Anthem and I have several cousins who serve in the military.  I'm proud to be in this country.  But as soon as I go to a community that is not used to the way I look, I get criticized.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what they think.  I still love my curly hair and brown skin.  I love the fact I speak more than one language and I'm proud of my culture.  I love the fact that I get excited to know there's a whole pig being cooked in the backyard.  The list goes on and on.  All of our differences, cultures, beliefs and so on is what makes this country beautiful.  It's the ignorance that makes us ugly.

Contrasting Mistakes

This past Sunday, the Comedian and I attended our church's service as we try to do as often as possible. Our normal pastor was on vacation so another filled in for him. This particular pastor I've grown a liking to because he makes his sermons relatable. He started talking about TVs with the dials, if you don't remember, you had to stand up to change the channel or in my case, my parents made me do it.

He started talking about the dials on the bottom of the TV and one happened to be contrast. How would we be different than everyone else? How would we be a better Christian? As the sermon went on, I listened intently as I was looking for what this message could bring to me that day. Finally, he brought up moral responsibility. As I had discussed in Is Divorce an Option? that society accepts failure like everything is okay. It is okay to make a mistake, we're just human. We have all decided that we can get away with whatever we want. People cheat all the time, so its accepted. Some of us steal but its okay, we make mistakes. It is so interesting when I find someone who speaks on a topic which made my wheels turn as well.

I personally believe that we do make mistakes but what separates us from being a better person is owning up to those mistakes. I have so much respect for those who don't hide behind excuses and say, yes, I messed up and I'm sorry. Integrity is such an honorable trait, in my person opinion. Over the years, I decided to be transparent. Trying to lie to get out of something never panned out well in the end, so why even try it? The pastor went on to say that those who are "pure" are looked as fake. It's interesting that we all strive to be better people and when we find someone who really sticks by their values, they are scrutinized. What a twisted world we live in.

To be better people, we really do have to look deep down inside and decide. Do you want to be transparent and pure? Or do you want to keep hiding behind your mistakes?

The Best Advice...

Ironically enough, the best advice I ever received was not about relationships or my career or even my choice in school but it happened to be about my finances. Unfortunately, I didn't receive much guidance from my parents when it came to money. I was suckered into credit card when I was in college and I lived the cliche poor student lifestyle. I don't feen for ramen, actually I was never very fond of it, but I do have memories of my best friend and I gathering up all the money we had to hit up the dollar menu.After college, I struggled. I worked for a publishing company where I was sexually harassed by the owner then when I told a coworker that I was going to file a complaint, I was coincidentally fired. After that, I worked for a company owned by Lou Pearlman. If anyone knows, he went bankrupt and I was caught up within that time, hence, another job lost. Finally, I made it to my current company, a breath of fresh air. During the midst of all of this, a good friend of mine told me,

My father was a wise man, he said to never depend on money you don't have.

A light bulb turned on for me. This one conversation set in motion a whole new way at looking at my finances. I started paying my bills first and eventually saving for a rainy day. I know it sounds so simple, however, I was a young girl in my early 20s at the time. I truly dedicate my independence to this advice. I've learned much more since then but freeing myself from a burden of wondering how the next bill would be paid. I'm also not where I want to be. In writing this blog, a year from now, I will be in a better place financially. (Positive thinking, positive results :-)) On a side note, I would love to thank The WordPress Chick for influencing this blog. You're awesome!

3 Reasons Why You Should Embrace Mistakes!

Repost from one of my favorite bloggers.

3 Reasons Why You Should Embrace Mistakes!.

Happy Birthday America!

During occasions which involves the military, I get pretty emotional.  I'm the type of person who cries during the national anthem.  My dad retired as a Lt. Colonel in the army not too long ago and continues to work for the military as a civilian.  I have three cousins in the military.  Two in the navy and one in the army.  I was also engaged to someone in the army who served in Afghanistan. So as you can see, I have a lot of ties and respect for what men and women in the military do for us to keep our country safe. 

I get especially emotional when I see a soldier speak to his/her family while deployed or when they come home.  I tend to be a very strong person when it comes to crying, however, that always touches a part of my heart.  At the moment, I'm extremely torn because my cousin, who is like a brother to me, is going back to Afghanistan this month.  I can't imagine what goes on over there but by what I've been told, its not exactly a pleasant nor safe situation.  I know you risk your life by simply getting into a car but something is to be said about being in a very hostile area where your life is in danger by walking in the wrong area.  

Growing up, I told myself that I never wanted to date someone in the military.  Not that I don't have respect for what they do but I knew that, deep down inside, I couldn't handle the lifestyle.  I knew that I wanted someone to be there with me to raise the family, to be there with me through thick and thin.  My love language is Quality Time (I totally recommend that you read the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman), which means, in order for me to feel loved or have my love tank full, I need to spend time with that person and have good quality time with them.  I give major props to military wives and girlfriends who hold down the fort while their men are overseas.  I know its not easy.  It was very hard for me while my ex fiance was overseas.  I remember, I cried literally every day for the first month he was away on his deployment.  I just don't like the idea of losing someone you care about, I mean, who does?  

This blog goes out to all of those who have served for our country, those families who have lost loved ones and those who are overseas right now.  I am immensely grateful for all that you've done.  I also want to pray that my cousins all come home safely as one is about to leave and the other two are away from home already.  I love you all.

“Life is like a...

“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.”

Cranky Mornings

This morning, I woke up in a super cranky mood.  I never understood how some days I'm a ball of positivity and others I just want to claw someone's eyes out.  It's like every email or request makes me wish I was still at home cuddled in bed watching useless tv.  I ask myself, why does this happen?  I wonder if being a woman in a hormonal state causes some sort of unwanted emotion?  Does this happen to men?  Is there really a division in the sexes?  I never liked to think so but the older I get and the more aware of my emotions I become, the more I think there is. Normally, in these situations, I pop some "happy pills".  A term coined by my coworkers after taking some St. John's Wort (a natural supplement).  We're not sure if it has a placebo affect, but it does work.  So, in essence, it doesn't matter if its a placebo or not.  :-)

After feeling the way I felt this morning, I turned on Joel Osteen's podcast from yesterday and that didn't work.  I'll keep looking for something a little positive to put some pep in my step.

Who do I want to be?

A couple of nights ago, I was having a conversation with the Comedian about my last post. We talked about the human condition and our parents. I have always compared my parents to my friend's parents and wished I was in a different situation. I spent the majority of my teens and early twenties trying to figure out how to live life. My dad had left and my mom was never very emotionally available. During that time, I didn't have much guidance, all I knew is that I wanted to leave go away to college and that's what I did. I lived the cliche life of a lost college girl figuring it all out or letting my friends figure it out for me. My point after all of this is that I really didn't have much guidance during that time of my life. Finding my identity was not an easy feat but I don't believe it's an easy feat for anyone, I guess I personally found it difficult because I didn't have anyone to look up to.At the end of the day, everyone has a story. Someone's parents used to abuse them or their father was an alcoholic. I believe those traits might either give us character or we fall into the same pattern. (On a side note, I find this topic even more interesting because I started it a few days ago and on my way back from Miami this past weekend, the Comedian and I were listening to Joel Osteen who gave a sermon on a very similar topic... ahh serendipity). You, as a person, chooses whether you want to inherit your parent's habits. Some of make excuses for every day life, it's because its the way my mom did it or its because my dad had a temper. Life is really about choices. We choose our clothes each day, what time we wake up, whether we wear our hair up or down. It's maybe hard to comprehend but you do have a choice to be angry or upset. I believe I read this quote once:

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." ~Wayne Dyer

In Joel Osteen's message, he said you are the one who can break the personality trait and you choose whether you pass it down to your children. My point out of all of this is whether you have guidance or not, at the end of the day, you have the final choice on how you want to be as a person. It might be hard to believe, but once you consistently think positively and pay close attention to your actions, things will start to look different. People will start treating you differently. It's absolutely amazing.

You don't have to be your mother's habits or have your father's temper. You can be whomever you want to be. It's the beauty of the mind. It's yours.

Marilyn

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Last night, in between watching the NBA Finals, I watched this documentary about Marilyn Monroe. Call me a history geek but I love to watch stories of famous figures and where they came from. Something about their road to fame has always intrigued me. I didn't know much about Marilyn Monroe minus the fact that she committed suicide, sang to the president and the numerous quotes I see on Facebook and Instagram.

I found that she was an extremely insecure person who hid her reality behind this persona she created. I mean, it seemed it was genius that she was this sexual temptress and knew exactly what she was was doing. But at the end of the day, it was all a rouse. Just something that she was expected to be and she put herself there. I watched her struggle through her life fighting the stigma she was thought to be from the beginning of her career. I mean she consistently read books to fight the fact that she didn't finish high school.

After watching the documentary, I came to think to myself how much I related to her at one point in my life. It was so easy to push people out instead of letting them see the demons I hid in my closet. Granted, I wasn't an orphan and went from foster home to foster home, but I was very alone for a long time. Alone in the sense that I felt like no one really knew who I was and I chose not to share my deepest thoughts. It was easier to put a wall up and not deal with being vulnerable.

What I realized over time is that I would drive myself crazy by being that alone. I can understand that Marilyn probably didn't want to be in her head. Women, in general, do have their thoughts go a mile a minute. I remember there were times where I would get so frustrated with myself that I would just want to scream. It's crazy what a little self reflection would do to you.

I do want to reiterate that knowing who you truly are inside and out is so important to your own sanity as well as those around you. Over time, I have been able to hone in on my idiosyncrasies. I am no where near perfect but I do recognize my faults and work on them. Also, I have realized that I've never truly been alone. I've always had God right beside me through my journey of life. It's crazy to think that was the one thing I couldn't grasp for the longest time and now that I do, I am so much happier. I do wonder, what could had been done to save Marilyn.

Office Environments

Some of you know, earlier this year, I started working for a different company but rejoined my old company after a few months.  I was sincerely very excited for the new opportunity.  I was drained and had come to my wits end with the owner of the screen printing company.  The owner for the jewelry company had read the same books I had like The Power of Now and The Secret, so I really felt that we would be on the same page as far as thinking was concerned. Boy, was I wrong.  I understand, working from the bottom and proving yourself when you start a new place of employment is important but I wasn't ready for the ride I was supposed to take.  Granted, it was a small company and I understand the dynamics would be a little different.  By the end of month two, I was ready to head out of that situation as well.  The owner did read these books but I don't think he really applied the concepts especially after I read a Facebook post basically him exclaiming that the "haters can keep hating".  Not to mention, the person in accounting was very critical and negative of everyone accept her and her daughter, who also worked there.

After finishing my 90 days, I came back to the screen printing company to run some reports as a favor.  Later on that day, the VP offered me a position in a different department in the company.  I was kind of torn on making a decision but the pay was better and I had sincerely missed the office environment.  I accepted the offer and I have been so happy ever since.  This environment suits me so much better as there is genuine goodness and laughter with those around me.

I know that sometimes we have to take opportunities given to us to grow but when those don't work out, I know deep down in my heart that another door will be opening near by where you least expect it.

Death to my 20s

It happened... my 30th birthday. My coworkers have a tradition that on someone's birthday, their desk should be trashed. For mine, they created a funeral for my 20s. My VP was laughing so hard, she was crying. Some people look at is as a milestone in their lives where they go through all of the dreams they had throughout their 20s and wonder why they hadn't gotten there yet. I, on the other hand, did not feel any different. I did reminisce a little bit about where I thought I would had been. I did think in my early 20s that I would be married by now and have some sort of career that I love. Neither has happened, needless to say. Then I started to think, I am truly happy so why does what hasn't happened matter?

It doesn't matter. Living your life to the fullest with whatever comes to you is the best way to live. You can't control everything but you can control your thoughts and surroundings. I had a conversation a few months ago with a friend's brother. He looked at me and said, "You created your life, didn't you?" I had never really thought about it before but I did create everything around me. It's all about the decisions you make and the person you decide to be. There was a moment in my early 20s where I was at the bottom and I told myself, I will not be this repressed person. I will be the best version of me that I can be. It's been a great road.

I know great things are coming in my 30s. I look forward to every minute of it.

White Jeans

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Call me nostalgic but I put on a pair of white jeans today and I couldn't help but think back to when I was about 11 years old in middle school just trying to fit in. I remember wanting a pair of white jeans because that's what all of the cool kids were wearing. I am not going to lie, I didn't come from a lavish lifestyle. My mom was well .... frugal. It was always a discussion to even get something name brand, if that ever happened. I did end up getting white jeans one day though. My first day of wearing my new prized possession, I remember sitting in the lunch room just chatting away and my lack of coordination got the best of me and I dropped chocolate milk all over my new white jeans. Needless to say, I never wore those jeans again.

I am still very accident prone. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen on my face or dropped coffee on my shirt but I will tell you one thing, I always carry a Tide stick. The light of all of this is that now I know to be better prepared for what could possibly happen. I can't but think of the old phrase, only if I knew then what I know now. However, if I didn't go through spilling chocolate milk or even the heartaches I've been through, I would never be the same person I am today. (And yes, I realize in the photo I might have a slight obsession with shoes as well).

I embrace my scars because they make me more sensitive to the world around me and that's what I love about myself.

Is Divorce an Option?

Last night I was perusing through my Hulu account because all of my shows had ended their season and came across "Mistresses" with Alyssa Milano. I was a little interested because I've been a fan of hers since "Who's the Boss" and "Charmed" so I figured I gave it a try. I should had known what I was in for due to the title of the series. It's kind of sad to realize that this kind of program can exist because it has become socially acceptable that people cheat on their significant others. I remember from a History in TV class I took in college (I was a TV/Film Production major for a little), that society is actually ahead of TV trends. Like the first interracial or same sex kiss did not show up on any program until it was firmly known it was socially acceptable and a riot wouldn't form because it was shown in front of the public.

Anyhow, it saddens me that cheating on spouses is something that comes as some sort of a norm. I'm not naive to the subject, I do have personal experiences among family and friends that, unfortunately, have been a victim of cheating. I wonder, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Do people get married with the idea that divorce is an option and that if they get tired of their spouses, they just cheat? Maybe it bothers me because my parents did divorce when I was a teenager. I had suffered from commitment issues for a very long time because I didn't want the same to occur to me. That is probably why I was a serial dater because I could just run as soon as I saw the possibility of becoming vulnerable.

A few years ago, I decided that if I were going to settle down, it would be one time. I would make myself the best version that I could be. I would then date serious guys who had their stuff together and wanted a future together. Then one day I heard the following quote:

“Divorce can’t be an option – it’s really that simple. If you just remove the option… because, if you have the option, one day that person’s gonna make you wanna divorce.

“That’s been a huge part of the success for she and I… We’re like, ‘Listen, we’re gonna be together one way or the other so might as well try and be happy.” - Will Smith

I realized I would have to find someone with the same mindset I did when it came to marriage and making it work.

I know some people just say, it didn't work out or we just grew apart but I think the idea of getting married when you're a little older, you had the chance to get to know your wants and needs in a relationship. You, in turn, would make the smarter choice in a partner. Maybe I'm in my own world when it comes to this concept. Then I ask, why even get married if divorce is an option?

It's that time... again

As a woman, I struggle with my changing ummm hormones. It seems that when it's "that time of the month" my emotions go a little haywire. I like to pride myself in being cool and calm so when I started to realize a trend in my heightened sensitivity, I started to pay attention. It's interesting because this is not a new phenomenon. In the book, "The Power of Now", Ekhart Tolle talks about staying in the "now" when it is this time specifically for women. I found it interesting that it was addressed. The whole idea of being in the "now" is to focus on your state of being, but when my emotions are toying with me, my mind goes a mile a minute. I think I first realized I was going a little crazy a few months ago when I started an argument with a friend. I asked myself, why did I get so upset? Then the next month, the same topic came up and I got upset, yet again around the same time. Whoa... I figured it out.

I didn't want to think that a woman's physiology would create an issue but I had to finally admit to myself that it does. Even today, I was having a conversation with my boyfriend, we'll call him The Comedian, and for whatever reason I felt like something was wrong. That he was upset with me. It didn't hit me until after the conversation how crazy I was and then I realized what was just around the corner.

Sometimes we slip and don't realize that we don't have all of the control in our own emotions. Possibly some women are worse than others however, this is something that happens once a month for many. Yes, I do get cranky, especially if I'm rubbed the wrong way in the morning. It throws my day off. It's interesting because I just recently rewatched "The Secret" and they did bring up the fact that even if your day starts off on the wrong foot, we have the control to change how we feel by just adjusting our emotions just a little bit.

Who said being a woman was easy??

Making Half the Attempt isn't Enough

Yesterday, I went to Sunday service as part of our weekly ritual and the sermon that day really touched on a lot of things that I have been striving to do for myself. It had to do with "teaching an old dog new tricks". We get caught up on our lives and routine and don't think about what can we do to better ourselves because we are complacent. Being a good Christian is all about following God's word to the best of our abilities. We are all not perfect, however, we can strive to be the best possible version of ourselves. There is one thing that has always stuck with me when I was doing my "internship" with the record label in my early 20s. Mind you, this was a very difficult point in my life full of deceit and pressure to do things I wasn't meant to do. But the man who put me through all that continuously said one thing to me. He said, "Don't do things half ass". It has really been a mantra for whatever reason. Deep down in your heart, you know when you are not making the best effort and you are just trying to fly through a task. When you're just doing what you are told to do at work, you're doing it with half the effort. When you're telling someone half the story, you might be leaving important parts out. It's all about efficiency.

I was also at an event where there was a panel of men who have reached the pinnacle of their career such as the Brand Manager of Red Lobster and Room Operations at Walt Disney World. The Brand Manager said the way to get to where you want in your career is to do something outside of your job description. It's just a guideline but not what would differentiate you from the rest of the candidates for a higher position.

Basically, its like what the pastor said when describing his dog. He knew when his dog did something wrong because it would display guilt and shame. When you know you didn't really do what you needed to do and just skimmed the top, deep down inside, you know it was a half ass effort. Being a better version of yourself has to do with going above and beyond your job description. Not just doing enough to get by.

Where did all of this positive thinking come from...

I believe, one has to realize they need to make a change. I have always been a positive thinker but maybe up until 8 or 9 months ago, I wasn't content. I made myself think that my life was great and some aspects of it was. I had great friends and a great support system. I also had a social calendar that kept me busy for the most part but something had been missing. I had dealt with bouts of depression since I was in college. I always refused to take medication because I knew I could get through it. I did, however, whenever there was a trigger, I hit rock bottom. I remember days where I couldn't get out of bed and wanting to remain in the dark as well as all of the other things that came with it.

I really don't remember the exact order of events that changed me in the first month of the transition but I had been dating someone then I was rejected. We weren't in a relationship since it was fairly new but it was the rejection part that tore me into pieces. My depression was encircled by abandonment. When I felt abandoned, I just broke down. It was such a small trigger but I think it had been building up to that point.

After not being able to breathe and crying every moment I thought about the rejection, I told myself, I never want to feel this way again. I went to a meeting and I saw the movie, "The Secret". That then changed my life forever. I was on a new path. I realized that any negative thoughts would get me to that point again and I would live striving to be a positive thinker. One thing the movie based on the book with the same name showed me was to make a visual board. The things I would like to have in my life. I wrote on some index cards and put them next to my bed of things that I want out of life. One happened to be one that came to fruition shortly after. I asked to be a long term prosperous relationship. Not only 1 or 2 days later, I heard from someone that had made a huge impact on me when we were dating 2 years before. The interesting thing about him coming back into my life is that he also read The Secret and some other positive thinking books such as the Power of Now. Our conversations consisted of this positive thinking journey which I cherish to this day because those conversations continue. He is my boyfriend of 6 months and I am hopelessly in love.

A few months later, I started going to church with him. I realized the bible taught the same ideals. Negative thoughts are the devil messing with your head. He wants to bring you down. The bible teaches us to be positive, thankful and wishful thinkers. I continue to embrace these ideals and really be a positive and true friend to those around me whether we're close or not. You never know the impact you will leave on their lives by not being negative. In the words of Janet Perez Eckles, I would love to my purpose in life to be an inspiration to others to be positive as well. I know for a fact that on this path, I will not have to deal with depression again.

Bruised Egos

It's amazing how one blog can inspire so many conversations. In the last week, I have come across a new realization that one's own ego is the basis of all of our craziness. Have you ever thought as to why something or someone has affected you so much, its because they hurt your ego. It's true that women dress for other women because we are the most critical and we want to boost our ego. The reason why really insecure people might go out of their way to get upset over something minute is because they do want their ego to get bruised. We people please because it makes us feel better about ourselves. What if you decided one day that your ego didn't matter? Only you and you alone are responsible for your own happiness. If you don't realize that, then you will consistently search for happiness in life through others and continually be disappointed. Humans are selfish creatures. We don't intend to be sometimes but at the end of the day, most will make the decision that will make them happy. A guy might not call you because they are tired of your incessant nagging with will cause a lull in their day. Or maybe you won't hang out with a girl friend because you know she'll talk about her break up, again. It's not that some of us are better than others, its just that our ego is a very delicate thing.

After reading some books and following some innovative thinkers like Kyle Cease, a comedian who strives to live in the moment, I have come to understand that emotional decisions are made because I am trying to boost or protect my ego. I have lived a long life of people pleasing. But I have realized over the years, yes, I can be there for my friends and family but not to depend on them to make myself feel better. Not only that, but I had depended on my friends to not feel sorry for me because I've always wanted to be resembled as a strong person even if I had a little bit of a rough past. Hence, boosting my ego by making me feel like I was this invincible human that could take on anything.

I have also realized this ideology is not easy to understand. To live in the moment and not to allow your ego to control your thought process. Just think about it next time your ego is hurt, why does it hurt and make a decision that doesn't involve boosting your ego. Emotional decisions really get us in trouble.