Being in a Healthy Relationship

Recently, I read an article from The Times and shared it with the Comedian called 14 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship.  I love sharing articles like this with him because we can talk about it and how we can improve our relationship.  The best thing about finding someone with the same goals is that they understand what it is to continue growing TOGETHER.  I can happily say that we were able to check off the majority of the 14 signs.  The Comedian has always said that we need to have a solid foundation before bringing kids in the world.

There a few points that really stuck out in my mind.

First, Have Your Own Space

It is so important to still keep who you are intact.  It kind of ties into another point to love yourself.  Before you got into this relationship, you were you're own person.  You had you're own friends, family, hobbies, and so on.  You might have to give up some of your SSB (Secret Single Behaviors) like eating crackers while standing but that's okay.  You can do those habits when you're loved one is away.  They might be curious as to why the cracker box is empty but hey, old habits die hard.  You should not lose who you were before you were in a relationship.  Yes, you will grow and change as you are with your significant other, however, you should still have you intact.  Never forget to make plans with your girlfriends for a night out, call a old friend from time to time, and let your partner know who they are.

I think the most difficult part of having my own space is battling gender roles and knowing I have really good guy friends.  Yes, I sincerely believe you can have friends who are guys that don't want to sleep with you.  These friendships come few and far between.  They are not common at all but they exist.  If a friend crosses that boundary of friendship with sex and you're in a relationship, its best to cut them off because a true friend would want you to be happy and they wouldn't come between your relationship.  I know, I know, it's easier said than done.  This is where you figure out what is more important, the relationship with your friend or your significant other.

You Like Yourself and Your Partner

"You must love yourself before you can love anyone else"

It is so important to have a good handle on who you are as a person before getting into a relationship.  I had bouts of depression all through my 20's and I don't think I really figured out what it was to be happy with myself until I watched The Secret.  I realized that I am the only one responsible for my happiness.  When I discovered what that felt like, everything changed.  Magically enough, it led me to The Comedian which goes to show you that when the Universe is ready, it will give you what you pray for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.  I still battle with insecurities, however, I try not to let it overpower my happiness.  When you are happy with yourself, then it will resonate.  People will be drawn to your happiness simply because they like to be around happy people.  This also applies to your relationship.  You should like or even love your partner as well.  They will get on your nerves and you will get frustrated with each other (it's inevitable) but at the end of the day, they have to be the person you want to lay next to you at night.

Talk to your Partner not Other People

I will honestly say, I struggle with this the most.  With my girlfriends, it seems so easy to just slip into talking about your relationship and what's wrong with it.  They complain about their husbands and arguments and what they do and don't do.  Sometimes I feel compelled to share my frustrations but it's not right.  First, you are not one to judge only God can.  You should not judge your partner.  Yes, you might not agree with how they do things but that is who they are, that is who you fell in love with.  Second, its difficult to be in a group and not want to be a part of the conversation.  I really make an effort to keep my opinions to myself and let my girlfriends just go on and on about whatever ails them.  I have to remember, in my mind, The Comedian is really the best person I could have ever dreamed of and he treats me amazingly well.  After all the frogs I have kissed, I have finally found my prince.  I don't want to go back to kissing frogs any time soon!

Finally, Say I Love You and Thank you

It is so important to thank your significant other for whatever they do.  Especially if their love language is words of affirmation.  I mean, he could take out the garbage for the 50th time but I still say "Thank you".  Something as simple as acknowledging the small things can make a difference by leaps and bounds.  Plus, if you have children, it is important that they see how you and your partner respect each other.   If you make it a habit now, then in the future, you will see all of the small things come to light.  

All in all, relationships are built on just loving each other for the small things.  Over time, the bigger reasons why you began might disappear but the small things you do day to day will always be there.  You have to remember that this list from Time Magazine is just a framework to having a healthy relationship.  I can say, mine is not perfect and we work at it every day but I know it has a really healthy foundation.  

My Year in Review

Note to self, I definitely need to blog more… but I digress. This year has been one full of big changes.  In all honesty, I don’t know if those changes would have been made without the Comedian being my conscience.

First and foremost, after many years of believing my car still had a lot of life in her, I finally sold my 2003 Mazda Protégé for a 2010 Toyota Corolla S.  This was the first car I ever owned and the last car I had in college, it had a lot of memories I was not willing to give up.  It didn’t matter to me that it didn’t have automatic doors or windows, or I neglected to get tints, even though I live in Florida.  The Comedian was convinced that it was about to explode, I mean when something broke in the car, he would say, I think you need a new car.  I kind of brushed it off with my stubborn mindset.  “The car still has lots of life”, I would think but he was obviously looking out for my best interest.  The timing was just right.  I had enough to put down for a down payment and I could afford it, so it was done.

Second, I finally got Lasik surgery.  I have been wearing glasses since I was 9 and contacts since I was 13.  So, I have officially been blind (I mean my vision was really, really bad) for about 21 years.  I forgot what it was like to wake up in the morning and be able to see.  I have also never been one to wear glasses.  They bothered me.  Glasses would fall down my nose and I never could get used to

how they looked on me.  I was waiting for the right moment to do the surgery.  Luckily for me, a good friend of mine was a technician at Lasik Plus.  He knew my vision history, Hell, that’s how we met.  He worked for the eye doctor I went to when I was 18.  This was a great opportunity to undergo surgery with someone I trust helping with the procedure.  It was a no brainer.  Today, I have 20/15 vision.  My eyes still get dry from time to time but that’s normal.  I love waking up and not having to worry about contacts or glasses.  I know it sounds like a marketing ploy but I’m telling the truth.

Finally, last but not least, the biggest thing that happened this year… The Comedian and I bought a house!  The opportunity to buy really came out of nowhere.  I wanted a house for us to have more room for our creativity and for Rosco to roam but I felt like that possibility was out of our reach until I got a sense that I should start asking questions.  Maybe it was God telling me to give it a try but it was definitely a strong sense that this was going to work out.  We really had a month window to get the house closed due to some personal finance situations and we pulled it off with the help of my awesome Realtor, Jane Sloan, and the team at Absolute Home Loans, Amy and Bobby.

What’s interesting about the house is that on the vision board I made after watching The Secret I asked for a 1500 square foot home.  All of the houses we looked except for the one we bought were 1200 and 1300 square feet.  I knew they were wrong for us.  When the seller accepted our bid on the 1400 square foot home, I knew it was it.  In The Secret, there’s an example from the writer of Chicken Soup for the Soul who came close.  This house came so close.  It just shows how visions and positive thoughts will bring you what you pray for.

Needless to say, there were other things that happened this past year.  I started school at Florida International University for my MBA, the Comedian and I went to… ummm… 5 weddings, only 1 baby shower (thank goodness),  I hosted my first crawfish boil and High School Marching Band Reunion, and the Comedian and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary.  There's really so much more!  It has been a great year!

I really look forward to 2015 and all that it has to bring.  I will graduate with my MBA in May, I think there are 3 more weddings to go to, my sister will be having my niece, and I’m sure so much more will happen.  These years do fly by but they are filled with so many memories.

Live in the moment, cherish every minute.  Cheers to 2015!

The Fall Air

Something about fall always brings back all kinds of memories. The smell of the air changes, even in Florida. There is something reminiscent of the holidays. I can't necessarily put my finger on it but normally I change, my emotions change. When I went away for college, I struggled with being separated from all that I knew. I put up a big wall saying that I could handle it because I'm a military brat, however, I really didn't understand that I needed the norm of my family life to bring me back to the ground. There were a lot of changes going on during that time of my life. My mom remarried, my sister moved away with her boyfriend at the time, and I didn't have the relationship I wanted with my father. I was struggling to find myself in a new world. For whatever reason I fell into a depression. After becoming suicidal, I went to counseling. He then diagnosed me with seasonal depression meaning that only during a certain time of the year, I became depressed. This was only the first occurrence.

Year after year, I would suffer a darkness during the fall. I wanted to be part of a family, I wanted a sense of normalcy, in my eyes. I tell you, there is nothing like wishing you had somewhere to celebrate where you felt accepted. I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with my family. I was so lost and incomplete. Instead of smelling the fall air, I would want to sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. It was safer in my dark room.

Through the years, I became better at dealing with this darkness during the fall. It even skipped a few years until last year. It came back. The feeling of being alone. I couldn't look at anyone without breaking down and wanting to cry. There was no one there to save me until I saw The Secret. There was so much hope in that message. Hope that I didn't need a family to make me happy, I was already part of one. I was alienating myself because it was all about me. I finally opened my eyes and saw that what you bring to yourself is what you have. I am wealthy through my friends and family. Also, I learned you are NEVER alone. God has always and will always be there. He will be your family, your friend and most of you, your father.

There is no point in living in this world in a negative light. Everyone has their own personal drama to deal with. Everyone has a story. As I always say, what makes you who you are is not what you've been through but how you deal with it.

Is this your Reality?

Yet another conversation with the Comedian has inspired me today.  You know its a beautiful thing in a relationship when conversations spark a stream of creativity.  We have discussed in the past, other people's realities.  It's not easy to explain but when you become conscious by living in the present, the remedial things like gossip and drama that other people might emphasize don't matter to you.  In all honesty, I had some situations where I became bothered by someone else's reality.  You really just want to enjoy each moment as beautiful as it is.  When poison starts interrupting those moments, you become distracted and the goal is to get back to where you were.

I remembered, in watching The Secret, they mentioned that sometimes when you wake on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, it might create a whole day of negative energy but in reality as soon as you feel like you're going in that direction, you have every right to change your mood around.  Only you are in charge of your emotions and your surroundings.  That includes those who surround yourself with.  Another interesting book I've been reading, The 4-Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss, touches on the idea that the 5 closest people closest to you are a reflection of who you are.  It's been a long road, but I can honestly say that true with those very close to me.

I am reminded that everyone has their own reality and we are not one to change those realities.  We are to just accept them and only control our own destiny.  This past Sunday's sermon, Joel Osteen said, "Nothing you have done has canceled your destiny." God still has a plan for you.  It is your choice to listen.  If we want to live in a reality that fogs our vision to who we really want to become then we might not get there.  The way my life has changed in the last 9 months, I want to continue to choose a path of positive enlightenment.  What about you?

The Secret

I recently watched the movie "The Secret" which is based on the book with the same name.  If you've never seen or heard about it, I would totally recommend that you do.  I like to say I'm an advocate for positive thinking but sometimes life does get the best of me, I mean I'm a woman for goodness sakes.  I have emotions.  Anyhow, this movie talks about the law of attraction in the sense that if you are positive and have positive thoughts positive things will happen.  I know it might sound like a bunch of hippie BS to some people but I think it's really true.

Interestingly enough, since I saw the film, some crazy stuff has happened which I don't want to delve into because I don't want to out any of the parties involved.  The event did shock and confuse me for many reasons but I came out of the situation looking towards the positive.  All we have is the present and what we do in the present will dictate what we do in the future.  I know that I have been through some crazy things in my past but I don't let that bring me down.  I would rather go on through life laughing even if the things I want don't fall into place the way I had envisioned.  I mean I would have never thought that I would be almost 30 years old and not married or have kids yet but maybe that's not what was meant for me in the cards.

I really just want to share that positive vibes do keep you a happier and healthier person.  I know this is not my normal type of posting but I was inspired :-)