Remember When...

Don't you remember when bills did not have to paid and you could run in the backyard without a care in the world. When your friends weren't going through divorces or horrible losses. When no one has ever harmed you and the butterfly which landed on your shoulder was left with a place to rest. Remember when you were awoken and carried in your father's arms because you fell asleep on the couch watching "My Little Pony" or when your dad gave you a high five after hitting the ball off of the tee? Those were the times when there was no reality just play time. Your Barbie and Ken were off getting married or in their Corvette riding off into your living room. When you told your sister it was your turn on the Nintendo.

Grown up reality is so dark. It can leave you in a depression because you know this is it. This is what truly life. It is full of heartbreaks, lost ones, bills to pay, negative words, bad people. Why can't we be who we were when we remembered when.

The truth is, you can be. Life does come with struggles, like a scabbed knee or broken bone. We have the strength to make it all better. Keep on praying, keep on moving forward and live your life so you don't have to remember when because "when" is right now.

Why does it matter?

Being in a relationship like the one I'm in has opened my mind up to all kinds of things I would not have embarked on while being single. It's really the strangest feeling. When I was single, if I was dismissed by someone, my ego would take over and I would say to myself, this guy doesn't know what he's missing out on. I knew I had a lot to offer as a woman. Smart, funny, independent, confident, why wouldn't someone want that? Now, I'm in this amazing relationship and my insecurities are starting to surface more prevalently than before. I think its easy to dismiss when you're single because there's always another adventure, another guy, another friend but here you are in a committed relationship and everything is amazing, now I start to think, is it enough? Of course it is, this person isn't with you because you aren't worthy. You are so worthy.

It's crazy because I do have conversations with friends about their insecurities. Here I am on the outside looking and saying to myself, why does it matter? It shouldn't matter that he hasn't answered your text or liked your post on facebook within seconds of you texting or posting. He might be busy. If at the end of the day, he shows you how much he's into you then it doesn't matter. I think what women fail to realize that committed relationships is a change in lifestyle. I can vouch for someone that has always been independent in her life. I've taken care of myself to this point and its hard to let and accept that now you have to share your time, your resources with someone else. When you do have only yourself to depend on, vulnerability might be something difficult to handle.

I had a recent episode in the last week where my vulnerability was tested. I'll admit, I think that I am a perfectionist and when I realize that maybe I'm not so perfect, it beats on my ego a bit. Looking at yourself is so much more difficult than being on the outside because they are your emotions and your feelings, not someone else's you can give advice to and not have to deal with the consequences.

Luckily for myself, my boyfriend and I had decided to have God at the center of the relationship. Not that I want to preach to anyone but when you realize that you are truly perfect as God intended you to be, it is so much easier to enjoy your love. When I had my episode I realized, it was the devil trying to dilute our relationship with my ego. Such a revelation, so simple. Love is meant to be joyful. Don't let negativity, insecurity and ego cloud your vision.

It's interesting because I've heard a comedian once say "If anyone ruins the relationship its the woman". I hate to be an advocate for that thought but I can see where there comes from. Women get so insecure with a man's simplicity it makes us see things that don't exist. I've said this in a previous blog, real men are simple. If they want something, they get it. If they want you, they will tell you. When we do all this second guessing, it makes women go crazy. Trust his judgement, be on his side. When you start becoming and instigator, watch yourself and what your actions. Stop and think, "why does it matter?"

Serendipity

Recently, life has been very interesting to me specifically in some coincidental occurrences. As you all might know, I have recently started a relationship with God. With that, a lot of prayer has come into my life. It's strange because I can honestly say, I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago. I'm completely content. There have been a series of events that I have come in contact with that have made me realize that there's a reason we might be put in places for a reason. I believe it to be God's work, I'm being told something. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a Women's of ALPFA event which is a National Professional organization geared towards Hispanics. I gladly accepted the invitation but I had no idea what I was in for. I was thinking it was another networking event, not that those kinds of events are bad. I believe putting yourself out in the public is a great way to make contacts. You never know when you can make a connection that might be beneficial to you or someone you know.

Anyhow, after the dinner and some preliminary speeches, the keynote speaker was helped up the stage. Her name is Janet Perez Eckles. She is a inspirational woman who lost her sight at the age of 31. Even when all odds were against her, she still succeeded in becoming an interpreter and a New York Times best selling author. Her energy was just simply amazing. There was a reason I was asked to be at that place at that time. I'm more than sure several people were touched in that room but hearing her speech made me realize that writing was truly my calling. I knew the idea has been ringing in my ears for several years but this was a push to go after something I love.

I realize sometimes it might seem uncanny that we're at a certain place at a time but I believe that there's a reason for everything. I was at another event for another professional organization called NSHMBA which is geared towards promoting those in the community to get their MBA and I am on the executive board as the Director of Marketing. Anyhow, after we had our networking icebreaker, I was stopped by a gentleman who was in my boyfriend's icebreaker's group. He went on to compliment my boyfriend as being the good man that I know he is but I digress. We continued talking. I discovered that he was recently divorced and ready to get back into the dating game. He had started to question whether online dating was worth it. I kind of laughed to myself as I had dated online for quite a few years. I went on to tell him that there was nothing to fear when using a different medium to meet people. This city has become so involved with their own personal matters, its hard to come out of one's shell to make the first move. Being online just makes it easier to meet people who are serious about finding a relationship and being able to weed out those you might be interested in.

I have found that as long as you meet people in a safe environment, there is nothing to fear except they might not be who you expected. But those kinds of occurrences can happen anywhere. If you meet someone at a club, they might not have the personality you can really connect to or if you met them through a friend, they might take to you to Chik Fil A on the first date. When you date, you're taking a chance in hopes that maybe this opportunity might lead to a relationship. After speaking to him, he thanked me. It was odd. If we had never met, he would probably never have the confidence in dating online.

I'm not sure if being in the right place at the right time is really what this is all about. I think it's about the fact that you do seriously pray for guidance, God will direct you in the path you are destined to go but you have to slow down and listen.

Growth

I've been struggling with the topic of discussions in my blog. Yes, I have encountered many dating adventures, however, now that I'm not single, I have been searching for what to blog about since my true passion is writing. In the past few months, I have been undergoing this crazy transformation. I thought I was happy before but now I'm just fulfilled. I have been going about this journey of life all wrong. I did have the right idea though. If you treat people with respect and you are positive, good things will happen to you. It has been a culmination of finding church and reading books like "The Secret" and "The Power of Now" among other things such as my super supportive boyfriend.

Now, I have a better feel for what life holds in front of us when we have an unclouded vision of anger and hate. You are responsible for you and only you. You cannot control other people's actions. When you realize that, you will understand that when you are a better version of yourself, then all things will start to fall into place. Unnecessary conflict doesn't result to anything but that, conflict. Sometimes I look at people around me and I think to myself as to why they did what they did or say what they said. Every action has a reaction. Some people in my life have approached me in asking, "Why are you so patient?" It's because some situations are out of our control. Either you accept it for what it is and/or find a solution to resolve it.

I have been through so much in my early 20's. I made a decision that I was not going to allow those events to weaken me. I could had gone a completely other way, psychologically speaking. Let's just say, if I continued on that path, I would have been the cliche of a girl with Daddy issues.

In my previous blog, I wrote about forgiveness. That has been the hardest concept for me to grasp. How do you forgive someone that hurt you? Because you are not responsible for their actions, only yours. That's why. You as a person has no right to judge anyone. You might not agree with their actions, however, at the end of the day, you are not them. You are you. This idea has been the core of my growth. I forgave all of those who have hurt me. After all of this time, that is what hindered me from taking my wall down and really being truly happy.

I believe with all of those people I've had met in the pursuit of finding a relationship had only peeled back a few layers of what I could potentially become but I knew deep down inside, I would be something great. And I will continue to write about my growth. Let's see how this goes...

Forgiveness

Over the last few months, I've been on this journey to really discover myself as a person and finally let go of all that has held me back from my past. I believe I've said this in a blog before but it seems that there has been this apparent wall that has been holding me back from really letting it all go. In my efforts to be the best version I can be for myself and my new relationship, I think I've been pushed to really let get to the nitty gritty of my past and finally face it. Overall, I am very private about what had occurred that one year in my life to those that I meet. I don't want it to define me as a person. I never wanted to be a burden for whatever reason. But I have come to learn that those who truly care about you want you don't ever see you as some pity party. They see you as you truly are.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to really delve deep into my hidden pain and face it. I'm not one to preach to anyone, however, there is a lot of power in what Jesus has done for us. Giving himself up so we don't have to endure the pain of sin. We don't have to live in shame for what other people have done for us. We don't have to bear the burden of someone else's thoughts of who they think we are. I have found that forgiveness itself is very powerful.

Something had resided in me for so long and I thought that my strength would be best used if I repressed the pain. Making it seem that no emotion would go towards those thoughts of insecurity and shame. I would consider myself just numb to what had happened. I used my strength for all of the wrong reasons. I didn't know it at the time because I felt I was protecting myself but really, I was just repressing emotions that needed to be set free. After all of this, I realized, true strength comes to those who can forgive their attackers. Someone who can face their fear and say, "It's okay. I forgive you."

It seems so simple, however, when you confront dark pain, it takes a lot out of you. I still have some forgiving to do, but I know I'm headed in the right direction because I feel at peace and a huge weight is lift off my shoulders. Now, I am on to really living.

All at once

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching and I find that when you're happy, the strangest people come out of the wood works. I'm not sure if it's they can sense that I'm in a relationship or for whatever reason, that day, they decided to think about me. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention, whatsoever, to divert from what I have going on right now. I am utterly and happily in love. However, in the last two days, it just seems that I have been contacted by the most random people.I've been told this is a trend. It's like a test from the beyond, seeing whether I'm weak enough to falter. However, the universe would have to give me something harder to steer away from, like ummmm Vin Diesel. lol. What is most interesting about all of this is that it is something that happens to almost everyone. How is that? The piece of advice I've been given is to stick with what you know is right. I know right now these other people have nothing to offer me but anguish and irritation. There was a reason it never worked out in the first place. With all of this trial and error I've been through, I should know better than to go in a whirlwind of problems. I don't mean to preach but just moving in the direction where you know what's right and you're at peace is the way to go. Positive thinking has lead me to be a better person with a greater outlook on life. Old habits die hard, don't let your old habits (or lovers for that matter) ruin the greatness in front of you.

Young Minds

I haven't written in a while because I haven't had any gripes in the dating world. In all honesty, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Yes, this neurotic woman has found herself in a very happy relationship.What I find interesting in this state of happiness is I still seek to help others with my dating tips. Last weekend, I was in a car full of guys and one girl, most of the guys were in their early 20s. I had the urge to protect them from the women of the world who might take advantage of their young naive minds. One in particular had the urge to ask 20 question one what to look for in the perfect woman. I am an avid believer in not finding the perfect person but finding the perfect person for you. He asked me whether it mattered if the girl dated a lot in the past if that made a difference. I kind of laughed on the inside due to my apparent dating history. No it does not matter. What matters is how you make each other feel and the commitment both of you are willing to make. I think we all put too much emphasis on the way things are supposed to be. Sometimes it just is. Put the games aside and just be you and let yourself go. I may sound like a free spirit or on cloud 9 but a good friend told me when it feels easy and natural, that's the way falling for someone is supposed to be. No gimmicks, no games just you and that other person. Don't let your insecurities and your past blind you into thinking history will repeat itself because it may just not happen.

The A.D.D. of Dating with Technology

Recently, I've been intrigued with the technology and dating.  Only 10 years ago, we had to watch how many text messages were sent and whether we could make a phone call after 9 PM.  Now everything seems to be unlimited.  I think over 10 years ago, Facebook didn't exist.  It's just crazy to think of how we dated even back then.  At that time, I was in college (Go Gators!!)  I remember being in high school and talking on the phone all hours of the night on the cordless phone and when the phone died, I had a super long extension cord for the other phone in the living room.  All of that doesn't exist anymore.  Everyone has a cell phone.  Shoot, no one even talks on the phone anymore, they text. My point is that now that communication is literally at our fingertips, how does that change the dynamic of dating?  Before, a girl would run home in hopes that the guy she liked called her.  Now, our phone is on us 24/7.  Imagine the added anxiety to either side of the spectrum.  We can now share pictures within a second.  I really do agree with the idea that because we instantly have information, it causes us to be impatient.  If we don't know an answer, we Google it.  If we want to talk to someone, we call their cell.  If we want to show a photo or share and idea, we post it somewhere.

Its insane to think how different things were only 10 years ago, and they will only progress.  People will become less patient when it comes to wanting information.  It has become common that 2 people who meet each other would text consistently through the day, everyday during the first couple of weeks of dating.  But where is the suspense, the hoping, the wondering that we used to anticipate?  The excitement dwindles off much sooner than it might have 10 years ago.  I can only speak from a woman's perspective when it comes to all of this.  I wonder to myself, is there a balance?  Texting, facebooking, social networking can be the demise of the beginning of a relationship.  It becomes way too much too fast.  Don't get me wrong, I believe you know when you have something good, you really know it but I think less is more in this case.  I have been in situations where I gave someone my number and regretted it.  Some insecure guy who spoke nonsense and asked me if I was okay and why I wasn't responding.  Annoying!  I have a secret for you ladies.  If you think a guy is annoying when he does that, so are you.  :-)

Give the other person the opportunity to miss you, to think about you, to really process what is in their head.  That's when its worth it.  Because then you know for sure its not just smothering information, its real feelings.  I read recently in a book, your emotions are your true thoughts, don't let your head get in the way.

Is there such thing as "The One"?

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been thinking about "The One", whether this person exists.  Not necessarily for my own selfish need but whether that idea is implanted in our head by Hollywood and whether it was plausible to find this person in a sea of 3-5 billion people worldwide. After questioning a few people, even those in their early twenties, I have to agree that maybe it isn't necessarily "The One", that it is really someone who crosses your path on a certain day or time, I do happen to be a believer that everything happens for a reason.  This person who you might have crossed paths and made a connection might be someone who believes in your ideals and follows in a similar path, leading to a successful relationship.  I have told someone recently that this person you do find might not be perfect, but they are perfect for you in that time and place you are in your life.

After the butterflies in your stomach had subsided, then the real relationship begins.  Communication is the key.  I read in an article recently that when you do find this person that you want to spend a long time with you will have be able to speak openly to them about anything.  I think this is where most relationships fail.  There is this darkness that someone isn't willing to share with the other person in their relationship which can cause resentment or suspicion.  I have really made an effort to be very candid with my feelings because your partner is not... I repeat not a mind reader.  Men don't get hints.  As a matter of fact, men are very simple.  When they want something, they will go for it.  When they don't, they won't.  I know, ladies, this is a hard concept to understand but its true.  There's no underlying meaning, there's no secret, he's not thinking anything in depth (not to say a man isn't capable), I'm just saying, as women, we tend to overanalyze.  I am guilty of that, or else I wouldn't write a blog :-/  Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Anyhow, back at my point.  I am a hopeless romantic but I do realize that there might not be "The One".  I can think of 3 men I've dated that could have been someone I saw myself settle down with,unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards at the time.  When the time is right, that person who is perfect for me, will walk through some door and chemistry, time and communication will take its course.

New Name

I changed the name to my blog from Love in Fairytale land to Val's Love Bytes.  I will also be updating the site to make it super appealing. I hope you enjoy!

The Millenia Man

Last night, a good friend of mine brought to my attention an article she found in Cosmo, "The Only Kind of Man Worth Marrying".  She started talking about how it explains the "50/50" man and how he supports the corporate woman. Growing up, I struggled with the idea of 'having it all'.  Could I really have a career and a family and my sanity?  As I have said before, I grew up in a slightly old fashioned Hispanic household where my mom was expected to take care of all that was domestic in the home.  As a matter of fact, my grandmother said that I would never find a husband if I didn't know how to iron.  In the article, it says that a woman can have it all if she doesn't have to do it all.  Blasphemy!  What a concept!

Apparently, the Millenia Male takes on some of the chores, helping out around the house with the kids and work, against traditional values.  They have become more accepting of those women who want careers themselves.  It is said to believe these values have shifted because the woman has made work a career and their parents struggled with the blurred lines of what was traditional.

I want to say, I completely embrace finding this Millenia male.  I have always told those that I've dated, that I wanted to be part of a team, that things should be 50/50.  To think, my idea of what my ideal relationship was not too far off from where the world was progressing.  The article does state to beware of those men who do say they are forward thinking by watching out for simple reactions to what you might do such as saying you might have to work late and they complain as to why you can't come home early and make dinner.  He should be supportive to your endeavors.

One piece of advice, if the person you are with makes you a better you, then stick with it.  But if they bring you down, kick them to the curb.  You are a beautiful and strong, no need to let a loser run your life.

What's your last name again?

You really don’t know a person until you know ummm… their last name?  Recently, a really good friend of mine decided to embark on the internet dating scene after a traumatizing end to a relationship.  I warned her that maybe she wasn’t ready for dating so I directed her to a free dating site just to get her feet wet.  I didn’t realize she would get a true dose of reality in the world of dating.

One day, she showed me a picture of a guy she had just started talking to who happened to make quite an impression.  This guy loved sports, had a son, had a sexy voice, and way more according to her.  I found the situation strange from the beginning because he had asked her to meet him at his job at a very busy restaurant in Winter Park.

That Saturday, I went with her to this restaurant, kind of excited because I was going to check out this guy and get a hook up.  At least that’s what I thought.  We sat down at the bar and my friend sent him a text that she was there.  She was so excited and nervous, it was adorable.  I guess I’d been dating for such a long time, I forgot what it was like to feel like a school girl.  He finally walked by and she was happily surprised.  “He looks so much better in person”, she exclaimed.

He passed by a couple of times more, a friend of mine met with me (I didn’t want to be a third wheel) and he invited us to go to a bar after.  Granted, we didn’t get the best hook up but we did get a discount.  In my personal opinion, if a guy invites you meet him somewhere, he should offer to pay.  Just sayin’.

After that night, they continued talking and made plans to have lunch the following week.  Then made plans to hang out on a Saturday night.  One important point I will have to point out, they did exchange information with eachother, like their last names.  She asked him once, “Hey, I don’t even know your last name.”  He hesitated a bit and said, “It’s Fernandez.”  That was that.

That Saturday night, I was downtown with her hanging out with some friends from college.  She left me to meet with her new beau to hang out after making arrangements with my friends.  They met, went to the bar and had a couple of drinks.  Interestingly enough, the bartender asked, “What name is your tab under?”  He answers, “Lopez.”

Lopez???  My friend was told Fernandez.  Talk about “red flag”.  So yes, we did what every other girl would do.  We Googled him.  And what we found was something I have never experienced before.  We found his mugshot along with several domestic violence charges.  I think he figured out that she heard his last name because he conveniently disappeared.

After this experience, I just shake my head.  Some men out there in the dating world are just not datable.

The Secret

I recently watched the movie "The Secret" which is based on the book with the same name.  If you've never seen or heard about it, I would totally recommend that you do.  I like to say I'm an advocate for positive thinking but sometimes life does get the best of me, I mean I'm a woman for goodness sakes.  I have emotions.  Anyhow, this movie talks about the law of attraction in the sense that if you are positive and have positive thoughts positive things will happen.  I know it might sound like a bunch of hippie BS to some people but I think it's really true.

Interestingly enough, since I saw the film, some crazy stuff has happened which I don't want to delve into because I don't want to out any of the parties involved.  The event did shock and confuse me for many reasons but I came out of the situation looking towards the positive.  All we have is the present and what we do in the present will dictate what we do in the future.  I know that I have been through some crazy things in my past but I don't let that bring me down.  I would rather go on through life laughing even if the things I want don't fall into place the way I had envisioned.  I mean I would have never thought that I would be almost 30 years old and not married or have kids yet but maybe that's not what was meant for me in the cards.

I really just want to share that positive vibes do keep you a happier and healthier person.  I know this is not my normal type of posting but I was inspired :-)

The "Blogger" Reply

Recently, I ended a friendship with someone who I was dating on and off for a few years.  I guess he took it harder than I did because he wrote his own special salute to me.  I would like to say. He can sit on his salute and rotate. :-)  First and foremost,  how can a man be understood when their blogs contradict what they say in person?  You write how you want to settle down, but at the same time, you're not sure what you want.  I sincerely believe, if you're not happy with yourself, you can't be happy with anyone else. Second, I was not trying to get into your circle of friends. I was sincerely trying to be nice.  I'm sorry if I wanted to spend time with someone I liked.  If your friends are blind to my actual intentions, that is their fault.  I was merely trying to make a good impression because they are important people to you.  I don't want to offend your friends but if you're going to justify my actions by allowing them to make an impression on your decision to get rid of me finally, then so be it.

You are one of the most selfish and flaky people I have ever met.  The world does not revolve around you.  I'm well aware you fly at all times of the day but let me say something, if you want to be with someone, you will make time for them.  I had an ex in Afghanistan who bought a cell phone to call me.  I also have a good friend who is doing his MBA, working full time and is on the executive board of a local chapter of a national organization who just got engaged to an amazing person.  What does that tell you?  You weren't that into me in the first place.

Finally, yes, I deleted you from FB because only a week prior you were telling me how amazing I was and that you wanted to spend time with me.  I took you to work, and we made plans to hang out when you came back.  You didn't even take into consideration that my best friend asked to hang out with me, but because I made arrangements with you, I turned her down until I had to contact you that same day to see whether we still had plans.  I didn't hear from you until 10 PM that night.  Then two days later, you were "in a relationship" on FB.  WTH.  If it were any sane girl in the world, they would have done the same thing.

Bottom line, you have and always will be selfish and inconsiderate.  Until you figure out how to fix your faults, you will be alone or with someone willing to put up with your BS.

I really hope to bump into you so I can smile at you.  :-D  Nothing is better than killing someone with kindness. :-)

Men Vs Boys

I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday.  I was telling him that I had contemplated on moving to a different city that would offer more as far as things to do, a better career and possibly finding love.  My experience in Orlando has been daunting.  I don't know if its the men I attract, however, I seem to find what he would call "boys".  About a month ago, I met someone who was in their 40s and knew exactly what he wanted.  That day, he wanted me.  It was an eye opening experience.  I met him at a conference where he was well known by other people his age who were established.  I met so many people and it opened my eyes to new opportunities and what I might be capable of.  What impressed me the most is that he was so honest! 

The biggest difference is men know what they want and they are confident enough to tell you that.  Boys still want to play games.  Recently, I have endured my masochist behavior by starting dialogue with someone I used to date.  I had hung out with him a couple of times when he told me I was amazing and that we should get married.  Basically, putting something in my ear so I can think about him.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I thought he was sincere.  This morning, I checked my Facebook as I normally do and there he was, In a relationship.  WTFreak!  Man up and tell me you're interested in another girl.  I won't be mad.  I wasn't the girl for you.  I would respect you more for being honest than if you hide and I find out on my own. 

If I have enough confidence to tell someone he's not for me and I'm a woman, then I would expect the same integrity from a man.  I might come off a little harsh or strong but I believe a woman deserves to get treated with respect regardless of the situation.  Yes, I don't put up with a lot of BS and yes, I speak my mind but those are all building blocks to figuring out whether this relationship is not for you.  There is no mystery because I know to have a successful relationship, you have to be honest (unless you're going to surprise me with a piece of jewelry) :-) 

Don't you know the key to a great relationship is communication.

New Name

I've been considering changing the name to my blog because I think its too long.

Any suggestions?

Downtown Duesche

There is a breed of guy I absolutely despise.  Its the guy who lives downtown and is always out and about on the hunt for women.  Last week, out of boredom, I sent a text to someone I had been talking to briefly to grab a quick drink.  I kept putting off the meeting because something I just sensed something cocky about him.  Anyhow, he invited me down to a familiar bar where I know the manager so I felt comfortable enough to go. 

When I go there, I didn't see him right off the bat.  I sat at the bar for about 10 minutes waiting for him to reply to my text to tell me where he was.  Finally, I turned around and realized he was right behind me.  I met him at the table he was sitting and as soon as I got there, he asked me if I wanted a drink.  At the bar, we grabbed my signature vodka tonic and a shot.  When we got back to the table, he started his spiel about how hot I was.  He mentioned, he lived downtown and I joked, well, at least you don't have to drive.  His hands were all over me.  I knew something was wrong.  He then said that since I was drinking, I should just go home with him.  If there's anything I know about dating, do not go home with a guy on the first night?!!?  You will have a one night stand and there is a very high probability, he will not call you again. 

As he went on and on about his downtown apartment, I got bored.  I honestly don't care about what you have or where you live.  Make me laugh, intrigue me, say something interesting.  I have the tendency to want to wander or people watch when I'm bored.  You can ask my closest friends.  My ADD was definitely kicking in.  If a bunny rabbit ran in front of me, I probably would had chased it. 

In the midst of talking, he asked me what I perceived of him.  I told him the truth, that he came off like an a$$hole.  I knew this would offend him but at this point, I started not to care.  He kind of laughed it off then told me he knew why I was on an online dating site.  Referring to the fact that I might be insecure because according to him, only insecure people people-watch.  After I was offended, he told me he had to go to the bathroom.  I waited for him on watch because his friend conveniently started a conversation with me.  I think he knew there was no way I was sleeping with him because when he came back he started talking to another girl at the bar.  I was already annoyed, so I told his friend I needed to go to the bathroom, which was a lie.  I walked right out the door and back to my car.

This kind of guy is only concerned about getting laid and finding a girl stupid enough to fall for his antics.  His nice car, his downtown condo, the fact he's getting the girl drunk.  Be wary, this guy is not interested in you.  He won't ask you questions about your life or how you feel or he's not interested in talking at all.  I knew my instincts were right on point when I sent him a text (because I'm way too nice) saying I left because you just wanted to get laid.  He replied, "Yes".

Ryan Reynolds

Last night, I went on a date with someone I met off of Match.com.  Initially, I didn't have high expectations because he didn't really seem to be my type physically on his profile and after talking to him on the phone, it was hard to get a story from him.  Anyhow, I was being overly critical just to protect my possibly high hopes of finally finding someone. He convinced me to reschedule a date with an older man which I was having second thoughts about.  So I met him at a pool hall and as I approached the door, I was in shock.  This guy looked like Ryan Reynolds.  He didn't look like his profile pictures as at all, in a good way.  In my honest nature, as we sat at the bar, he asked why I was being so shy and I responded that he didn't look like his pictures and I was kind of in awe and a little nervous.  He then asked what I thought about his profile.  I told him my opinion considering I had been honest with him and told him of my experiences in dating and what women are looking for.

The date went on kind of awkwardly as we competed with each others sarcasm.  I felt a weird tension and lack of connectivity, I think it was because we were competing instead of getting to know each other.

During out date, I did tell him not to change his profile unless things didn't go well.  So because I'm so nosey, I did check him out since he hadn't attempted to contact me the following day.  He changed it.

I think the point is, I didn't realize I was an online dating profile consultant.  I was asked whether I've been on a blind date before and I laughed only because I've had so many dating experiences including Bad Date 4 - The Really Blind Date.  I was really thrown by him really updating his profile per our conversations.  Wow.  That teaches me to give dating advice to potential suitors.

The Bounce Back Lover

I cannot count the amount of old lovers who come out of the wood works after time had transpired.  It seems to be a theme in my life.  I have always believed in second chances and if there were not the case, then I would have never gotten engaged.  But then again, an ex is an ex for a reason.  I'm not really sure if all of these clichéd statements are true, however, I'm sure they keep coming back. I bring this up because I was watching the movie What's Your Number over the weekend.  Yes, it is a horrible chick flick but I am a sucker for a sappy love story with some attempt at comedy thrown in.  The movie plot has to do with the Ana Farris character attempting to find all of her ex boyfriends so she doesn't end up sleeping with more than 20 people along with her hunky neighbor from across the hall who she ends up falling in love with.  Anyhow, coincidentally enough, someone I was dating earlier this month who had disappeared sent me a text today.  I mean the premise isn't exactly the same but you get my point.  Part of me felt as if I might had given him an opportunity to explain himself but for whatever reason, I felt really abandoned so I just left it as is and thanked him for his apology.

I'm not sure what leads these guys to reach out after time.  Maybe I was just that great, which is totally possible. :-D  Then again, what really made them leave in the first place?  I could go over a list of reasons why.  They initially weren't ready for a relationship and now they want to try, they were leaving and didn't know how to handle the possibility of a relationship, someone dumped them and I always cheered them up. I would never knock a second opportunity but keep in mind one of my other faves, "Fool me once, shame on you... Fool me twice, shame on me.

Being in "Like"

Meeting someone you might really like and beginning the possible pursuit of a relationship is bittersweet.  I personally start to morph into a different person.  I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I start to look at my dating profiles less, I don't text those lingering lovers as often or not even at all and I end up staying home much more.  It's the strangest feeling to want to be loyal to someone you barely know but in essence, I wouldn't want to do anything that would ruin the potential of a new relationship. I have a friend of mine who I talk to on a regular basis (I used to date him).  When I disappear for a while, he asks me, "So who is he?"  I find it kind of entertaining because sometimes its not a new guy, I just simply haven't had the time to go online and look out for him.  Plus married guy friends are kind of taboo.  I can't call him at all times of the night and have him convince me that drunk texting someone is a bad idea.

This stage of just getting to know someone is kind of exciting because parts of me want the next text or phone call to be from him and when its not, I get slightly disappointed.  Its kind of like the honeymoon stage before the honeymoon stage.  But the unknown always drives me crazy.  I've been told in many occasions that I have so much control over every other aspect of my life, but when i comes to relationships I'm a mess and I really am.  Just the wave of teenage emotions sometimes gets the best of me and my gemini nature wants to jump right in.  Just gotta remember... gotta be a lady first.  Well, a lady which can find humor in some of the worst things.