Being in a relationship like the one I'm in has opened my mind up to all kinds of things I would not have embarked on while being single. It's really the strangest feeling. When I was single, if I was dismissed by someone, my ego would take over and I would say to myself, this guy doesn't know what he's missing out on. I knew I had a lot to offer as a woman. Smart, funny, independent, confident, why wouldn't someone want that? Now, I'm in this amazing relationship and my insecurities are starting to surface more prevalently than before. I think its easy to dismiss when you're single because there's always another adventure, another guy, another friend but here you are in a committed relationship and everything is amazing, now I start to think, is it enough? Of course it is, this person isn't with you because you aren't worthy. You are so worthy.
It's crazy because I do have conversations with friends about their insecurities. Here I am on the outside looking and saying to myself, why does it matter? It shouldn't matter that he hasn't answered your text or liked your post on facebook within seconds of you texting or posting. He might be busy. If at the end of the day, he shows you how much he's into you then it doesn't matter. I think what women fail to realize that committed relationships is a change in lifestyle. I can vouch for someone that has always been independent in her life. I've taken care of myself to this point and its hard to let and accept that now you have to share your time, your resources with someone else. When you do have only yourself to depend on, vulnerability might be something difficult to handle.
I had a recent episode in the last week where my vulnerability was tested. I'll admit, I think that I am a perfectionist and when I realize that maybe I'm not so perfect, it beats on my ego a bit. Looking at yourself is so much more difficult than being on the outside because they are your emotions and your feelings, not someone else's you can give advice to and not have to deal with the consequences.
Luckily for myself, my boyfriend and I had decided to have God at the center of the relationship. Not that I want to preach to anyone but when you realize that you are truly perfect as God intended you to be, it is so much easier to enjoy your love. When I had my episode I realized, it was the devil trying to dilute our relationship with my ego. Such a revelation, so simple. Love is meant to be joyful. Don't let negativity, insecurity and ego cloud your vision.
It's interesting because I've heard a comedian once say "If anyone ruins the relationship its the woman". I hate to be an advocate for that thought but I can see where there comes from. Women get so insecure with a man's simplicity it makes us see things that don't exist. I've said this in a previous blog, real men are simple. If they want something, they get it. If they want you, they will tell you. When we do all this second guessing, it makes women go crazy. Trust his judgement, be on his side. When you start becoming and instigator, watch yourself and what your actions. Stop and think, "why does it matter?"