Why Do Women Need Control?

A few weeks ago, I was on a radio show when one of the hosts said something that struck a nerve: she always pays for dinner—even on the first date.

Now, I didn’t agree with her, but I stayed quiet. It wasn’t my moment. Still, I’ve been sitting with that comment ever since.

What drives a woman to insist on control—even in something as small as picking up the check? Maybe it’s past hurt. Maybe a man once took advantage of her, or maybe she was raised to believe that relying on someone else makes you weak. Maybe it’s a way of saying, “I got this. I don’t need anyone.”

But here’s the thing: love requires vulnerability. It asks us to let go—to soften—and that’s scary. There’s no guarantee you won’t get hurt. But ask yourself this:

“Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”

That’s for you to decide. Personally, I want to love. Fully. Fiercely. Unapologetically.
Like Carrie Bradshaw once said:

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

I’m not here to shame women for being powerful. I am one. I admire ambition, strength, and drive. But there’s something equally powerful—and beautiful—in femininity. Why are we so quick to erase it?

This weekend at a conference, a body language expert said something that stayed with me:

“A woman’s greatest strength is her warmth.” – Susan Constantine, MPsy

Yes, the business world can be brutal. Yes, we fight for our place at the table. But when we step away from the boardroom, why do we feel like we have to wear the same armor in our relationships?

Let’s be real. There is a magic in melting into someone’s arms. There’s power in letting go—in trusting someone enough to lead for a moment. If you’ve never experienced passionate, consuming, raw, melt-the-sheets intimacy… maybe it’s because you’ve never surrendered enough to let it happen.

That’s not weakness. That’s power with softness. And it’s a balance we rarely talk about.

In all the books I’ve read about love—The 5 Love Languages, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, you name it—there’s a common thread: relationships thrive when we honor our roles. Men are wired to protect and provide. Women are built to nurture and connect. There’s beauty in that balance.

So if a man offers to pay, to open a door, to compliment you—let him. He’s not trying to strip your power. He’s doing what he was raised to do. If he’s a decent man (and not a complete douche), he’s not trying to dominate you—he’s trying to care for you.

We don’t lose ourselves by allowing that.
We are women. We multitask like queens, carry emotional loads heavier than most, and literally have the power to grow life inside us. That’s strength.

You don’t need to control everything to be powerful. And just because you don’t need a man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let one feel needed.

So let him. Why take that away?

You're Going to Rue the Day… You Started My Dream

I’ll be completely transparent: I was let go from my 9–5 job on Monday. Most people would expect me to spiral—cue the dramatic thoughts: “Oh no! What am I going to do?” or “I can’t believe that horrible b**ch let me go. She’s going to rue the day she made that decision!”

But truthfully? I don’t feel that way at all.

Instead, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Prayer is a powerful thing—believe that however you will. I hadn’t prayed in a while, but Monday morning I broke the silence. I simply asked, “God, show me where my path to living a dream will take me.”
By that afternoon? Boom. I was let go.

Was it abrupt? Yes. Was the relationship working? Not really. But deep down, I knew I had been using that job as a crutch—an excuse not to pursue what truly sets my soul on fire: writing.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamed of being a writer. For a long time, I thought that meant becoming a journalist. But once I realized that would involve telling other people’s stories in a rigid format, I lost interest. I wanted to write my stories. Raw, vulnerable, unfiltered. I wanted to speak truth—not conform.

But instead of chasing that dream, I did what so many of us do: I got a “real” job. I traded my calling for a paycheck. For years.

It wasn’t until 2011—post-heartbreak, searching for purpose—that I picked up the pen again. Someone told me I had talent. And in that moment, I remembered who I was. I remembered the little girl who felt most alive when she was writing.

The rest unfolded from there.

I dipped my toes into freelance work. I told pieces of my story. And now here I am: jobless, terrified, but finally pursuing my passion full-time.

This leap would not be possible without the unwavering support of the Comedian—my partner in creativity, in dreaming, in believing that we were meant to make things. He reminds me often that we weren’t put on this earth to just exist—we were made to create.

Am I still scared? Absolutely. The fear of the unknown is real. But so is my faith.

Today I read a piece on Addicted2Success.com about stepping through fear—and it hit me hard. I’ve been avoiding the very thing I now feel called to: uncertainty. But the truth is, I wasn’t made for the clock-in, clock-out life. I wasn’t built to spend 40 hours a week chasing someone else’s dream. I was made for this.

And even though I don’t know exactly what “this” looks like yet, I know it’s mine.

So no, I’m not bitter. I’m not resentful. If anything, I’m grateful—because that woman didn’t just let me go. She set me free.

Is the Perfect Man Out There?

Recently, the Comedian was on Central Florida Live (shout out to the crew!), and of course, I was glued to the radio like any proud girlfriend would be. Toward the end of the broadcast, the host asked a question that had me yelling at my speakers: “Are women’s standards too high these days?”

Now that is a topic I can speak on.

Naturally, I called in. This is my lane—dating, expectations, love, all of it. The Comedian, being his smooth self, casually asked on air, “Babe, what’s that thing you always say?”

Without missing a beat, I replied, “He may not be perfect, but he’s perfect for me.”

That right there is the point.

We all have different flavors we’re drawn to—some people want Rocky Road, others crave Mint Chocolate Chip. And sometimes we confuse what looks good on paper with what actually feels good in real life. You can date someone who checks every box, but if the vibe isn’t there? Game over.

By Ana C.

Look, being picky is okay. Scratch that—you should be picky. But picky with clarity. Not that never-ending list of dreamboat traits you jotted down during a Netflix binge. I’m talking about Patti Stanger’s five non-negotiables. In her book Become Your Own Matchmaker, she encourages everyone to define the top 5 things you absolutely cannot live without in a partner.

And let me tell you—it’s a game changer.

If you’re stuck, try this: write down everything you want in a partner. All of it. Then start cutting until you’re down to just five. Trust me, it’ll reveal what really matters.

Here were mine back when I was looking:

1. Must be able to take care of himself financially

2. Must not be shy

3. Must be family-oriented

4. Must be well-groomed

5. Must want to try new things

Sound familiar? Yep—that’s the Comedian, through and through. It’s almost eerie how much he fits.

Someone once told me that when it comes to job hunting, you have to know exactly what you’re looking for—or you’ll waste time applying for the wrong roles. Shouldn’t dating work the same way?

I say yes.

I’ve dated just to date. I've gone on the “maybe” dates. The “I’m bored” dates. The “he’s nice, but…” dates. But real love—the kind that fits—is different. You feel it. You laugh more. You breathe easier. You finally stop scrolling.

Does that mean he’ll always remember to put the toilet seat down or buy flowers weekly? Absolutely not. But does he meet your core needs—the ones that really matter?

For me, I needed someone I could laugh with forever. And that’s exactly what I found.

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Opposites DO Attract!

Last night, while chatting with the Comedian, it finally hit me—we have way less in common than I originally thought. And weirdly, that realization didn’t feel bad. In fact, it made me smile. After 2 ½ years together, I’m just now seeing our differences with a bit more clarity.

I’ve always been a social butterfly. I love people. If someone’s sitting next to me, chances are I’ll start a conversation just to cut the awkward silence. You never know what you’ll learn! Just this past weekend, I struck up a convo with someone who brews for Cigar City in Tampa—amazing beer, by the way.

Meanwhile, the Comedian? He’d rather stay home, watch movies, and chill. He accommodates my spontaneous energy, but for him, quiet time reigns supreme. That was a huge adjustment for me at first. My mom used to say I had “ants in my pants,” and she wasn’t wrong. I’m always chasing new experiences. Maybe it’s a little bit of FOMO... who knows?

But here’s the thing: he balances me out. I’m slowly—like sloooowly—learning to enjoy downtime. I’ve developed a real appreciation for those quiet nights on the couch, just the two of us and a good movie. No crowds, no small talk, just comfort.

Despite our differences, we connect deeply on the things that matter. Our humor is strange and sarcastic in the best way, and we share similar goals—when to start a family, what kind of careers we want, how we envision our life together.

The Comedian says something that always sticks with me:

“We spend our 30s fixing all the mistakes we made in our 20s.”

Whew. Truth bomb.

Looking back, my 20s were a rollercoaster. But I’m thankful for the lessons, and more importantly, I’m grateful that growth eventually caught up with me. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s real. Two people who want to live a happy, honest life together. Simple—but powerful.

Oh—and speaking of happy, check out a few pics from this weekend. We had an absolute blast. The 80s really were the best.

Don't be alarmed. This is how we kiss...haha jk

Who knew ninja turtles looked so good!

The Comedian and I

Why I think Jane the Virgin is amazing!

I have a new obsession: Jane the Virgin on The CW. Maybe it's the nostalgia—it reminds me of all the novelas (Spanish soap operas) I used to watch growing up—but this show hooked me like the hungriest tuna swimming upstream. I binged it so hard, I even started googling everything about the actors. That’s when I stumbled upon a YouTube interview that truly moved me.

Gina Rodriguez, who plays Jane, spoke about how this role came into her life unexpectedly. For someone who looks like her—Latina, curly-haired, proudly herself—lead roles were few and far between. But this was her chance. During the interview, she shared a beautiful story about how her father always told her she was beautiful, no matter what the world said. That stayed with me.

What she said was powerful: you can live your dream—even if you don’t fit the mold. We’re often trapped in the idea that we’re not pretty enough, experienced enough, or "right" enough for the roles we want in life. But Gina reminded me (and hopefully so many others) that we are all beautiful and worthy in our own right.

Maybe I relate so much because I’m Puerto Rican too. I grew up around a lot of Anglos because my dad was in the military, and I always had wild, curly hair that never quite fit in. I never belonged to just one group. Gina’s story about breaking through her self-doubt and embracing her uniqueness felt deeply personal. She said that once she moved past all the noise in her head—doubt, judgment, societal expectations—everything became clear.

That’s it. The only thing holding most of us back is ourselves. Not our appearance, not our background, not what others think—just that voice in our heads telling us we can’t.

And can we give major props to Gina for winning a Golden Globe for Best Actress? This girl from Chicago, who just wanted to act, landed a lead role in a wonderfully chaotic, heartfelt, and hilarious show—and crushed it. It’s inspiring in the same way Orange Is the New Black was: bold, fresh, and beautifully diverse.

Every time I dive deeper into the world of Jane the Virgin, I fall more in love with it—and the cast. My only complaint? I’m dreading the season finale. I don’t know how I’ll survive the wait for the next episode!

The Old Role Switcheroo

I’ve noticed something in my relationship with my parents—it feels like I stepped into the parental role way too early in life. Recently, I read an article in the Chicago Tribune that confirmed this isn’t uncommon. More and more kids are becoming the “grown-ups” in their homes before they even hit adulthood. And honestly? It feels a little unfair.

I remember my own teenage years being mostly secluded. Sure, I had moments of escape, like going to band camp. But when I came home, I was expected to take care of my younger sister. It always felt like my mom either didn’t notice her misbehavior or just let her do what she wanted. And my dad? He stopped being a part of our lives when I was 14. He only resurfaced about three years ago.

By 16, I was the one keeping an eye on my sister, trying to make sure she wasn’t sneaking around with the neighbor or coming home with a hickey that my mom would notice. I felt like I had to be responsible for her, and it left me longing for something deeper with my mom—a connection I never really got.

When I finally left for college, it felt like I was doing something just for me—a bold step toward independence. But I carried a heavy guilt. After I left, things seemed to fall apart for my sister. She dropped out of high school, moved in with her boyfriend at 16, and I constantly wondered: What if I hadn’t left?

After many years of therapy—and lots of sessions with the Comedian, my in-house therapist—I’ve come to realize something important: I was too young to be anyone’s savior. I wasn’t responsible for my sister’s choices. But that early sense of responsibility shaped me. It showed up in my relationships too. I kept dating people I thought I could “fix.” (If I had a dollar for every time...)

I mean, I once picked up an ex-boyfriend from a bus stop just so we could hang out—because he “couldn’t make it all the way.” That was the norm for me. Until I met the Comedian. He was the first person who took care of me, and in return, I got to take care of him. That mutual support was a whole new experience.

The Chicago Tribune article described kids just like me:

“A straight-A student comes home and starts supper, knowing she’ll spend the evening listening to her dad talk about his troubled personal life.”

“A young beauty-pageant contestant beams at her mom, who is proud to call her daughter her best friend.”

I know people who lived this. And even as adults, it feels like our parents pull us back into those same roles—the ones where we had to grow up too fast.

That instinct to take care of everyone? It still lingers. I still catch myself wanting to fix everything for my family. But for my own well-being and sanity, I’ve learned something critical:

It’s okay to step back.

Let them figure it out sometimes. Because healing your own inner child often means releasing the need to parent everyone else.

Being in a Healthy Relationship

Recently, I read an article from The Times and shared it with the Comedian called 14 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship.  I love sharing articles like this with him because we can talk about it and how we can improve our relationship.  The best thing about finding someone with the same goals is that they understand what it is to continue growing TOGETHER.  I can happily say that we were able to check off the majority of the 14 signs.  The Comedian has always said that we need to have a solid foundation before bringing kids in the world.

There a few points that really stuck out in my mind.

ValGio

First, Have Your Own Space

It is so important to still keep who you are intact.  It kind of ties into another point to love yourself.  Before you got into this relationship, you were you're own person.  You had you're own friends, family, hobbies, and so on.  You might have to give up some of your SSB (Secret Single Behaviors) like eating crackers while standing but that's okay.  You can do those habits when you're loved one is away.  They might be curious as to why the cracker box is empty but hey, old habits die hard.  You should not lose who you were before you were in a relationship.  Yes, you will grow and change as you are with your significant other, however, you should still have you intact.  Never forget to make plans with your girlfriends for a night out, call a old friend from time to time, and let your partner know who they are.

I think the most difficult part of having my own space is battling gender roles and knowing I have really good guy friends.  Yes, I sincerely believe you can have friends who are guys that don't want to sleep with you.  These friendships come few and far between.  They are not common at all but they exist.  If a friend crosses that boundary of friendship with sex and you're in a relationship, its best to cut them off because a true friend would want you to be happy and they wouldn't come between your relationship.  I know, I know, it's easier said than done.  This is where you figure out what is more important, the relationship with your friend or your significant other.

You Like Yourself and Your Partner

"You must love yourself before you can love anyone else"

It is so important to have a good handle on who you are as a person before getting into a relationship.  I had bouts of depression all through my 20's and I don't think I really figured out what it was to be happy with myself until I watched The Secret.  I realized that I am the only one responsible for my happiness.  When I discovered what that felt like, everything changed.  Magically enough, it led me to The Comedian which goes to show you that when the Universe is ready, it will give you what you pray for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.  I still battle with insecurities, however, I try not to let it overpower my happiness.  When you are happy with yourself, then it will resonate.  People will be drawn to your happiness simply because they like to be around happy people.  This also applies to your relationship.  You should like or even love your partner as well.  They will get on your nerves and you will get frustrated with each other (it's inevitable) but at the end of the day, they have to be the person you want to lay next to you at night.

Talk to your Partner not Other People

I will honestly say, I struggle with this the most.  With my girlfriends, it seems so easy to just slip into talking about your relationship and what's wrong with it.  They complain about their husbands and arguments and what they do and don't do.  Sometimes I feel compelled to share my frustrations but it's not right.  First, you are not one to judge only God can.  You should not judge your partner.  Yes, you might not agree with how they do things but that is who they are, that is who you fell in love with.  Second, its difficult to be in a group and not want to be a part of the conversation.  I really make an effort to keep my opinions to myself and let my girlfriends just go on and on about whatever ails them.  I have to remember, in my mind, The Comedian is really the best person I could have ever dreamed of and he treats me amazingly well.  After all the frogs I have kissed, I have finally found my prince.  I don't want to go back to kissing frogs any time soon!

Finally, Say I Love You and Thank you

It is so important to thank your significant other for whatever they do.  Especially if their love language is words of affirmation.  I mean, he could take out the garbage for the 50th time but I still say "Thank you".  Something as simple as acknowledging the small things can make a difference by leaps and bounds.  Plus, if you have children, it is important that they see how you and your partner respect each other.   If you make it a habit now, then in the future, you will see all of the small things come to light.  

All in all, relationships are built on just loving each other for the small things.  Over time, the bigger reasons why you began might disappear but the small things you do day to day will always be there.  You have to remember that this list fromTime Magazineis just a framework to having a healthy relationship.  I can say, mine is not perfect and we work at it every day but I know it has a really healthy foundation.  

My Year in Review

Note to self: I definitely need to blog more… but I digress.

This year has been full of big changes—ones I’m not entirely sure I would’ve made without the Comedian acting as my loving conscience.

First and foremost: After years of insisting my old car still had plenty of life left, I finally said goodbye to my 2003 Mazda Protégé and upgraded to a 2010 Toyota Corolla S. That little Mazda was my first car—the one I drove all through college. I held onto it longer than most would, despite the lack of automatic doors, windows, or even tints (yes, in Florida!). The Comedian was convinced it was going to explode every time something broke. I’d brush him off with my usual stubborn mantra: “The car still has life!” But truthfully, he was just looking out for me. When the timing and finances aligned, I finally took the leap—and no regrets there.

After Lasik surgery. No make up, popped blood vessel. It's all healed now

Second: I got Lasik surgery! I had worn glasses since I was nine and contacts since I was thirteen. Basically, I was legally blind for 21 years. I never liked how glasses looked on me, and they constantly slid down my nose. Getting Lasik was something I always wanted to do—I was just waiting for the right moment. Enter: a longtime friend and Lasik technician I trusted, who just so happened to be part of the team at Lasik Plus. I couldn’t pass it up. Today, I have 20/15 vision. My eyes still get dry occasionally, but that’s normal. And I’m not being paid to say this—I really do love waking up and being able to see the world clearly.

Our new home!

And finally… the biggest moment of all:
The Comedian and I bought a house!
It came together so quickly, it almost felt divine. I’d been dreaming of more space—for our creativity, for Rosco to roam—but I thought it was out of reach. Then one day, something told me to just start asking questions. Call it faith or intuition, but within a month—with the help of our amazing realtor Jane Sloan and the wonderful folks at Absolute Home Loans—we were homeowners.

Funny enough, my vision board (yes, inspired by The Secret) had a 1500 sq. ft. home on it. Every house we saw before this one was smaller—1200, 1300 sq. ft.—and just didn’t feel right. But then came this perfect 1400 sq. ft. house. It felt meant to be. Close enough to the dream to prove that intention and belief really can manifest into reality.

Of course, there were plenty of other highlights this year:
🎓 I started my MBA program at Florida International University
💍 The Comedian and I attended five weddings (and only one baby shower—hallelujah)
🦞 I hosted my first crawfish boil and a high school marching band reunion
💖 And we celebrated our second anniversary!

This year has been a beautiful whirlwind, and I’m so thankful for every minute of it.

Looking ahead to 2015, I’m excited. I’ll graduate with my MBA in May, attend a few more weddings, welcome my niece into the world, and who knows what else is in store?

The years may fly by, but they are filled with memories that make life so sweet.

Live in the moment. Cherish every minute.
Cheers to 2015! 🥂

Just a little bit of the past year

Food, Food, Oh So Yummy – Day 3

Food the last 3 days

I did it—I worked out yesterday. And now? I can’t feel my legs.

There has got to be something wrong with a workout program that has me doing squats every single day. It just hurts. No recovery day? We’ll see about that...

So, part of this fitness journey includes sending my trainer photos of everything I eat. I guess it’s his way of holding me accountable (read: making sure I’m not sneaking cheese in the middle of the night). After years of trying every diet under the sun, eating healthy isn’t the challenge—it’s the exercise... and maybe the wine. Okay, definitely the wine. And I do have a tendency to indulge a little more than I should. I mean, who doesn’t love a warm, toasty bagel with cream cheese for breakfast?

What do I miss most since starting on Monday? Cheese.

I love cheese. The Comedian always says we’re cheesy people, and he’s not wrong—both in the corny-joke way and the dairy-obsessed way. But I’m making it work. Chicken breasts, veggies, toast with peanut butter... honestly, not so bad. Still, I know my taste buds. They’re going to need a little jazz soon.

Next challenge: find some clean, creative recipes that keep things exciting. Wish me luck—and maybe a little mercy for these sore legs.

Not So Bad – Day 2

The Gym is Calling My Name. Tara Angkor Hotel Fitness centre

It’s Day 2, and I have to say—so far, so good.

As expected, my motivation beast reared its ugly head this morning. I did not feel like waking up to work out. Excuses ran wild through my mind like a crazy parade:

“You’re so sore from yesterday.”
“You really need more sleep.”

But I’m not letting those thoughts win. I made a promise to myself, and I’m sticking to it. I’ll work out after work—and that’s that.

What has surprised me is how much I’m actually enjoying some of the things I used to dread. For example: protein shakes. I’d always heard horror stories—chalky textures, weird aftertastes, and, of course, the gas. But yesterday morning, I whipped up a concoction of Allmax Nutrition Isoflex Vanilla, berries, Silk Pure Almond Vanilla, half a banana, and a little natural peanut butter. Let me tell you: YUM. Honestly, I’m not missing much food-wise on this journey so far.

I’m used to eating healthy after years of trying every diet under the sun, so this transition hasn’t been too hard—at least not yet. Talk to me after today’s squats, though. I already know I’ll be waddling tomorrow. But hey, I keep reminding myself: I want a better booty. Ha!

On another note, I’ve been encouraged to take extra supplements. I’m still a little skeptical. I’ve had some wild experiences with multivitamins in the past, and part of me wants to do this as clean and naturally as possible. Maybe it’s just my lack of education around fitness and nutrition, but I’m curious—and cautious.