I was on Snapchat the other day, and I clicked on this article on dating vocabulary. My mind was blown. I guess being out of the game for a few years left me in the dark. No amount of conversations with my friends prepared me for this article. Then I thought to myself, if I didn't know these actions had actual words tied to them, then that means that you all probably don't either. So I put together this handy vocabulary guide to help you understand terms you might encounter in the dating world.
Benching
Let's take teasing to the next level. Benching is when someone decides they don't want to date you exclusively but they know you're still into them, so they string you along.
If you haven't noticed by now, I'm obsessed with the show How I Met Your Mother. A great example is from the episode named Hooked where Ted refuses to believe that someone he is dating has him "On the Hook". The character he's dating, Tiffany, has no intention of following through with an actual relationship but he drops everything for her.
This is the scenario; you haven't heard from the person you are interested in a while. They send you a text message saying they miss talking to you. You try to make plans with them, but they make excuses for meeting up thus they are keeping you on the bench.
A good way to tell if you are the bench is to ask the person to meet you for coffee or a drink. If they are a no show, they have benched you.
Breadcrumbing
What's interesting about this word is that it happened to me tons of times, but I didn't know there was a term associated with what was happening. Breadcrumbing is when someone you are interested in texts you all the time, maybe sometimes calls. They flirt with you and make you feel all special, but they have absolutely no intention of meeting you in person.
What a crock! You're dealing with a digital tease.
But sadly, I've encountered this several times. The person on the other end of the conversation leads you on by leaving breadcrumbs (hence the term) to keep you interested. I believe this often leads to catfishing because you get emotionally invested in someone that isn't wanting to commit or really wants to meet in person.
Catfish
There's a whole series on MTV dedicated to this phenomenon. Catfishing is when someone pretends to be something that they are not by using other people's identities by using their pictures, online profiles, and so on. I watch Catfish on MTV on occasion to grasp what is going through the minds of those who are catfished and the ones doing the catfishing.
Most of the time it's an ego thing. The person doing the catfishing either isn't confident about the way they look and hide behind a prettier face, or they are seeking revenge for something that has been done to them in the past. Usually, the victim is really insecure and lacks people skills, so they feel that the person behind the emails and texts is there to make them feel special.
If a person does not want to do a video call with you after talking to them via email or texts or calls after two weeks to a month, then RUN! There is way too much technology out there for the person you are interested in to have excuses. If they really like you, they will find a way. If not, walk the other way. Trust me. You will be happier in the long run.
Cuffing Season
There's a reason for the season, and we are now in cuffing season. You've heard this phrase thrown around out in the dating sphere but what does it mean? Did you know that men are 15% more likely to end up in relationships during November through February? The holidays some something to people or maybe you prepare yourself for your grandmother asking when you are going to get married. Instead of dreading the conversation, you prepare yourself with a Thanksgiving date and other family outings.
Also, because it is a bit colder, it's just nice to have someone to keep you warm and Netflix and Chill because the beach isn't as readily available. Just beware, right before Valentine's Day, you may get ghosted.
Ghosting
I wrote a whole blog about this topic. You can find it here. Ghosting is essentially a cowardly way out of a relationship. Let's say you're dating a person for a while or at the very least having regular conversations via text. Then they disappear. There's no sign of them anywhere. You've been removed as their friend on Facebook, they've blocked you from other social media channels, and they refuse to answer any of your texts or phone calls. They have literally fallen off the face of the earth.
This person has ghosted you.
It's like Gone Girl but not nearly as drastic. My best advice to someone who's been ghosted is to move on. The person making an effort to remove you from their life didn't care enough to tell you why, so you shouldn't dwell on it a second more. I know I know... it's easier said than done but trust me, it's for the best.
Haunting
I have been with The Comedian for almost five years, and this still happens to me. Because I was a serial dater, I have many skeletons in my closet. Some I thought were dates that didn't go well, or I wasn't attracted to them. Either way, I know that it's been half a decade since I have attempted to talk to anyone who I casually dated in my past. But for whatever reason, there's still the occasional guy that will poke me on Facebook or message me on Instagram.
Haunting is when people you used to date who are no longer part of your life still look for you in some way or manner. They like pictures on your social media, they are poking you on Facebook (I still don't understand poking), they are trying to slide into your DM (direct message, just another vocab word for the day).
This is the worst part, sometimes they want sex. Say what? Don't you see I am happily married and have no intention of ruining that just because we were great that one time? Sigh, sometimes I wonder about my previous choices.
Anywho...
As time moves on, new words will come about. If you have any questions on this vocabulary guide whether you are a victim of breadcrumbing, ghosting, or whatever, feel free to reach out to me at val@valsbytes.com. I'll help clear up any misunderstandings and move you forward to a real relationship.