You've been on a few dates, and things aren't adding up. You think you're doing everything right. You are your most awesome self. The problem is you're not getting past the first or second date. Now, you're drowning your sorrows in terrible chick flicks (check out the Christmas Prince for an awfully bad one) and mint chocolate chip ice cream (my fave). I hate to say this, but sometimes the problem is you. You might be aware of it, but you may have some bad dating habits that need to go away fast.
Being too available
I get it. You are super excited to go out with the hot guy from the gym. I'm proud of you. BUT you don't have to go out with him the same night he asks you out or even the night after. The chase is what makes dating exciting. Guys have their radars out for crazies. Don't give him a reason to put you on his crazy list.
When he does ask you ask, say you're not available for his first opening. For example, Joe from the gym asks if you're available on Friday for a date. You say, "I'm sorry, I have something going on that day. What about Saturday?" By offering another scheduling option shows you are not sitting at home waiting for his phone call but that you have a life outside of the date with Mr. Amazing.
You don't embrace the idea that you could be someone's girlfriend
What do I mean by this? You have the habit of being the drunk girl at every party, you're a little promiscuous, your apartment looks like something exploded everywhere, or you swear like a sailor. I am a huge believer that dating is like an interview. Yes, it's more personal, but you're still putting your best foot forward.
Funny story, I love to be on time for social events. I'm actually exactly 30 minutes late to make an "entrance" if needed (I am Latina so being on time is not usually a standard. Most people are still getting the party together when I arrive). The Comedian, on the other hand, is always running late. BUT on our first few dates, I mentioned that I absolutely hated being late. He made it a point to be on time. When his mom mentioned to me that he was running late "as usual," I was extremely confused because that wasn't my experience with him. Low and behold, a few years later, I learned I was bamboozled. It was too late. I was in love.
The point of this story is to be the person you want to be in a relationship before you start dating. No one likes a cursing slob with serious baggage from their previous relationship. It's a bummer. Get your life together and figure it out before letting someone into your heart. They will be impressed by your efforts.
Being too picky
I agree that you need to set standards. But the likelihood that you are going to find Mr. Grey is doubtful. There are not many super handsome millionaires who can fulfill sexual fantasies, intellectually stimulate you, and have time to cuddle. I believe you should create a list of five "Must Haves". These are deal breakers that you will not budge on regardless of the guy.
To help you with this list, I've created this template --->Dating Terms
Flakiness
I think this is one of the bad dating habits I despise the most. I'm still trying to figure out the reason behind flakiness. It probably has some underlying insecurity issues. People base integrity on someone's word. If Val says she's going to be somewhere, then she's going to be there. If for whatever reason she can't make it, then she'll call or text to let the person know something has come up. It literally takes a few seconds to snap out whatever funk you're in and say, "Listen, I'm dealing with some issues right now, and I won't make it tonight." That's it. A good friend will understand.
If you don't have the courtesy to let your date know what's up, then you're not ready to date. Have integrity, be a good person, and let them know you can't make it to the party, outing, or whatever. Talking about flakiness reminds me of someone I dated a few years ago. If you're interested, you can read about it here.
Not addressing your insecurities
I can name several habits that tie into insecurities. I believe you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. When we're not secure with ourselves, we do things like lie about who we are, refuse to be needy because we don't want to seem weak, or consistently apologize for everything. I admit I am guilty of lying about how many men I've slept with because I was insecure about the number or apologizing because I had some daddy issues I seriously needed to address. You're not alone. There are people out there experiencing something similar to you right now. Own up to your mistakes and address them accordingly. You don't need to apologize to someone to make them love you even though they are in the wrong.
I think we all need to gain perspective on who we are as a whole to get grounded. When you have a bigger picture view of the world, you'll start seeing things a little differently, and your priorities will be much different. Until then, continue to focus on your happiness. Trust me, things fall into place when you are striving for happiness and positivity.