The Waiting Room

 

As my life continues, I find that I am in the most interesting predicaments.  The reason I was in the waiting room for an injury I got at work doesn't really matter.  What matters is all of the people watching I was about to endure during the 3 hour wait to see the doctor.  As I sat down, I realized I was sitting near a few UPS delivery drivers and employees.  What I found interesting was who came to sit down next to one of those UPS employees, a Fed Ex employee.

Both were attractive people in their own right.  I tend to be one of those who love to see when there might be a spark.  What a great story!   The UPS guy and the Fed Ex gal fell in love.

Anyhow, I eavesdropped to on their conversation because I was intrigued.  Apparently UPS workers do not pay for their uniforms.  That is really all I got out of it but I could tell the UPS guy was definitely attracted to the Fed Ex gal.  All of the other people in the room did distract me from time to time and their conversation seemed to die down.  I think they were there for only an hour out of the 3 I was there.

All in all, I could had been present for another great love story.  Just knowing that makes the visit to the doctor much better.

Is Divorce an Option?

Last night I was perusing through my Hulu account because all of my shows had ended their season and came across "Mistresses" with Alyssa Milano. I was a little interested because I've been a fan of hers since "Who's the Boss" and "Charmed" so I figured I gave it a try. I should had known what I was in for due to the title of the series. It's kind of sad to realize that this kind of program can exist because it has become socially acceptable that people cheat on their significant others. I remember from a History in TV class I took in college (I was a TV/Film Production major for a little), that society is actually ahead of TV trends. Like the first interracial or same sex kiss did not show up on any program until it was firmly known it was socially acceptable and a riot wouldn't form because it was shown in front of the public.

Anyhow, it saddens me that cheating on spouses is something that comes as some sort of a norm. I'm not naive to the subject, I do have personal experiences among family and friends that, unfortunately, have been a victim of cheating. I wonder, what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Do people get married with the idea that divorce is an option and that if they get tired of their spouses, they just cheat? Maybe it bothers me because my parents did divorce when I was a teenager. I had suffered from commitment issues for a very long time because I didn't want the same to occur to me. That is probably why I was a serial dater because I could just run as soon as I saw the possibility of becoming vulnerable.

A few years ago, I decided that if I were going to settle down, it would be one time. I would make myself the best version that I could be. I would then date serious guys who had their stuff together and wanted a future together. Then one day I heard the following quote:

“Divorce can’t be an option – it’s really that simple. If you just remove the option… because, if you have the option, one day that person’s gonna make you wanna divorce.

“That’s been a huge part of the success for she and I… We’re like, ‘Listen, we’re gonna be together one way or the other so might as well try and be happy.” - Will Smith

I realized I would have to find someone with the same mindset I did when it came to marriage and making it work.

I know some people just say, it didn't work out or we just grew apart but I think the idea of getting married when you're a little older, you had the chance to get to know your wants and needs in a relationship. You, in turn, would make the smarter choice in a partner. Maybe I'm in my own world when it comes to this concept. Then I ask, why even get married if divorce is an option?

Where did all of this positive thinking come from...

I believe, one has to realize they need to make a change. I have always been a positive thinker but maybe up until 8 or 9 months ago, I wasn't content. I made myself think that my life was great and some aspects of it was. I had great friends and a great support system. I also had a social calendar that kept me busy for the most part but something had been missing. I had dealt with bouts of depression since I was in college. I always refused to take medication because I knew I could get through it. I did, however, whenever there was a trigger, I hit rock bottom. I remember days where I couldn't get out of bed and wanting to remain in the dark as well as all of the other things that came with it.

I really don't remember the exact order of events that changed me in the first month of the transition but I had been dating someone then I was rejected. We weren't in a relationship since it was fairly new but it was the rejection part that tore me into pieces. My depression was encircled by abandonment. When I felt abandoned, I just broke down. It was such a small trigger but I think it had been building up to that point.

After not being able to breathe and crying every moment I thought about the rejection, I told myself, I never want to feel this way again. I went to a meeting and I saw the movie, "The Secret". That then changed my life forever. I was on a new path. I realized that any negative thoughts would get me to that point again and I would live striving to be a positive thinker. One thing the movie based on the book with the same name showed me was to make a visual board. The things I would like to have in my life. I wrote on some index cards and put them next to my bed of things that I want out of life. One happened to be one that came to fruition shortly after. I asked to be a long term prosperous relationship. Not only 1 or 2 days later, I heard from someone that had made a huge impact on me when we were dating 2 years before. The interesting thing about him coming back into my life is that he also read The Secret and some other positive thinking books such as the Power of Now. Our conversations consisted of this positive thinking journey which I cherish to this day because those conversations continue. He is my boyfriend of 6 months and I am hopelessly in love.

A few months later, I started going to church with him. I realized the bible taught the same ideals. Negative thoughts are the devil messing with your head. He wants to bring you down. The bible teaches us to be positive, thankful and wishful thinkers. I continue to embrace these ideals and really be a positive and true friend to those around me whether we're close or not. You never know the impact you will leave on their lives by not being negative. In the words of Janet Perez Eckles, I would love to my purpose in life to be an inspiration to others to be positive as well. I know for a fact that on this path, I will not have to deal with depression again.

Is there such thing as "The One"?

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been thinking about "The One", whether this person exists.  Not necessarily for my own selfish need but whether that idea is implanted in our head by Hollywood and whether it was plausible to find this person in a sea of 3-5 billion people worldwide. After questioning a few people, even those in their early twenties, I have to agree that maybe it isn't necessarily "The One", that it is really someone who crosses your path on a certain day or time, I do happen to be a believer that everything happens for a reason.  This person who you might have crossed paths and made a connection might be someone who believes in your ideals and follows in a similar path, leading to a successful relationship.  I have told someone recently that this person you do find might not be perfect, but they are perfect for you in that time and place you are in your life.

After the butterflies in your stomach had subsided, then the real relationship begins.  Communication is the key.  I read in an article recently that when you do find this person that you want to spend a long time with you will have be able to speak openly to them about anything.  I think this is where most relationships fail.  There is this darkness that someone isn't willing to share with the other person in their relationship which can cause resentment or suspicion.  I have really made an effort to be very candid with my feelings because your partner is not... I repeat not a mind reader.  Men don't get hints.  As a matter of fact, men are very simple.  When they want something, they will go for it.  When they don't, they won't.  I know, ladies, this is a hard concept to understand but its true.  There's no underlying meaning, there's no secret, he's not thinking anything in depth (not to say a man isn't capable), I'm just saying, as women, we tend to overanalyze.  I am guilty of that, or else I wouldn't write a blog :-/  Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Anyhow, back at my point.  I am a hopeless romantic but I do realize that there might not be "The One".  I can think of 3 men I've dated that could have been someone I saw myself settle down with,unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards at the time.  When the time is right, that person who is perfect for me, will walk through some door and chemistry, time and communication will take its course.

The Millenia Man

Last night, a good friend of mine brought to my attention an article she found in Cosmo, "The Only Kind of Man Worth Marrying".  She started talking about how it explains the "50/50" man and how he supports the corporate woman. Growing up, I struggled with the idea of 'having it all'.  Could I really have a career and a family and my sanity?  As I have said before, I grew up in a slightly old fashioned Hispanic household where my mom was expected to take care of all that was domestic in the home.  As a matter of fact, my grandmother said that I would never find a husband if I didn't know how to iron.  In the article, it says that a woman can have it all if she doesn't have to do it all.  Blasphemy!  What a concept!

Apparently, the Millenia Male takes on some of the chores, helping out around the house with the kids and work, against traditional values.  They have become more accepting of those women who want careers themselves.  It is said to believe these values have shifted because the woman has made work a career and their parents struggled with the blurred lines of what was traditional.

I want to say, I completely embrace finding this Millenia male.  I have always told those that I've dated, that I wanted to be part of a team, that things should be 50/50.  To think, my idea of what my ideal relationship was not too far off from where the world was progressing.  The article does state to beware of those men who do say they are forward thinking by watching out for simple reactions to what you might do such as saying you might have to work late and they complain as to why you can't come home early and make dinner.  He should be supportive to your endeavors.

One piece of advice, if the person you are with makes you a better you, then stick with it.  But if they bring you down, kick them to the curb.  You are a beautiful and strong, no need to let a loser run your life.

What's your last name again?

You really don’t know a person until you know ummm… their last name?  Recently, a really good friend of mine decided to embark on the internet dating scene after a traumatizing end to a relationship.  I warned her that maybe she wasn’t ready for dating so I directed her to a free dating site just to get her feet wet.  I didn’t realize she would get a true dose of reality in the world of dating.

One day, she showed me a picture of a guy she had just started talking to who happened to make quite an impression.  This guy loved sports, had a son, had a sexy voice, and way more according to her.  I found the situation strange from the beginning because he had asked her to meet him at his job at a very busy restaurant in Winter Park.

That Saturday, I went with her to this restaurant, kind of excited because I was going to check out this guy and get a hook up.  At least that’s what I thought.  We sat down at the bar and my friend sent him a text that she was there.  She was so excited and nervous, it was adorable.  I guess I’d been dating for such a long time, I forgot what it was like to feel like a school girl.  He finally walked by and she was happily surprised.  “He looks so much better in person”, she exclaimed.

He passed by a couple of times more, a friend of mine met with me (I didn’t want to be a third wheel) and he invited us to go to a bar after.  Granted, we didn’t get the best hook up but we did get a discount.  In my personal opinion, if a guy invites you meet him somewhere, he should offer to pay.  Just sayin’.

After that night, they continued talking and made plans to have lunch the following week.  Then made plans to hang out on a Saturday night.  One important point I will have to point out, they did exchange information with eachother, like their last names.  She asked him once, “Hey, I don’t even know your last name.”  He hesitated a bit and said, “It’s Fernandez.”  That was that.

That Saturday night, I was downtown with her hanging out with some friends from college.  She left me to meet with her new beau to hang out after making arrangements with my friends.  They met, went to the bar and had a couple of drinks.  Interestingly enough, the bartender asked, “What name is your tab under?”  He answers, “Lopez.”

Lopez???  My friend was told Fernandez.  Talk about “red flag”.  So yes, we did what every other girl would do.  We Googled him.  And what we found was something I have never experienced before.  We found his mugshot along with several domestic violence charges.  I think he figured out that she heard his last name because he conveniently disappeared.

After this experience, I just shake my head.  Some men out there in the dating world are just not datable.

The "Blogger" Reply

Recently, I ended a friendship with someone who I was dating on and off for a few years.  I guess he took it harder than I did because he wrote his own special salute to me.  I would like to say. He can sit on his salute and rotate. :-)  First and foremost,  how can a man be understood when their blogs contradict what they say in person?  You write how you want to settle down, but at the same time, you're not sure what you want.  I sincerely believe, if you're not happy with yourself, you can't be happy with anyone else. Second, I was not trying to get into your circle of friends. I was sincerely trying to be nice.  I'm sorry if I wanted to spend time with someone I liked.  If your friends are blind to my actual intentions, that is their fault.  I was merely trying to make a good impression because they are important people to you.  I don't want to offend your friends but if you're going to justify my actions by allowing them to make an impression on your decision to get rid of me finally, then so be it.

You are one of the most selfish and flaky people I have ever met.  The world does not revolve around you.  I'm well aware you fly at all times of the day but let me say something, if you want to be with someone, you will make time for them.  I had an ex in Afghanistan who bought a cell phone to call me.  I also have a good friend who is doing his MBA, working full time and is on the executive board of a local chapter of a national organization who just got engaged to an amazing person.  What does that tell you?  You weren't that into me in the first place.

Finally, yes, I deleted you from FB because only a week prior you were telling me how amazing I was and that you wanted to spend time with me.  I took you to work, and we made plans to hang out when you came back.  You didn't even take into consideration that my best friend asked to hang out with me, but because I made arrangements with you, I turned her down until I had to contact you that same day to see whether we still had plans.  I didn't hear from you until 10 PM that night.  Then two days later, you were "in a relationship" on FB.  WTH.  If it were any sane girl in the world, they would have done the same thing.

Bottom line, you have and always will be selfish and inconsiderate.  Until you figure out how to fix your faults, you will be alone or with someone willing to put up with your BS.

I really hope to bump into you so I can smile at you.  :-D  Nothing is better than killing someone with kindness. :-)

Men Vs Boys

I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday.  I was telling him that I had contemplated on moving to a different city that would offer more as far as things to do, a better career and possibly finding love.  My experience in Orlando has been daunting.  I don't know if its the men I attract, however, I seem to find what he would call "boys".  About a month ago, I met someone who was in their 40s and knew exactly what he wanted.  That day, he wanted me.  It was an eye opening experience.  I met him at a conference where he was well known by other people his age who were established.  I met so many people and it opened my eyes to new opportunities and what I might be capable of.  What impressed me the most is that he was so honest! 

The biggest difference is men know what they want and they are confident enough to tell you that.  Boys still want to play games.  Recently, I have endured my masochist behavior by starting dialogue with someone I used to date.  I had hung out with him a couple of times when he told me I was amazing and that we should get married.  Basically, putting something in my ear so I can think about him.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I thought he was sincere.  This morning, I checked my Facebook as I normally do and there he was, In a relationship.  WTFreak!  Man up and tell me you're interested in another girl.  I won't be mad.  I wasn't the girl for you.  I would respect you more for being honest than if you hide and I find out on my own. 

If I have enough confidence to tell someone he's not for me and I'm a woman, then I would expect the same integrity from a man.  I might come off a little harsh or strong but I believe a woman deserves to get treated with respect regardless of the situation.  Yes, I don't put up with a lot of BS and yes, I speak my mind but those are all building blocks to figuring out whether this relationship is not for you.  There is no mystery because I know to have a successful relationship, you have to be honest (unless you're going to surprise me with a piece of jewelry) :-) 

Don't you know the key to a great relationship is communication.

New Name

I've been considering changing the name to my blog because I think its too long.

Any suggestions?

Downtown Duesche

There is a breed of guy I absolutely despise.  Its the guy who lives downtown and is always out and about on the hunt for women.  Last week, out of boredom, I sent a text to someone I had been talking to briefly to grab a quick drink.  I kept putting off the meeting because something I just sensed something cocky about him.  Anyhow, he invited me down to a familiar bar where I know the manager so I felt comfortable enough to go. 

When I go there, I didn't see him right off the bat.  I sat at the bar for about 10 minutes waiting for him to reply to my text to tell me where he was.  Finally, I turned around and realized he was right behind me.  I met him at the table he was sitting and as soon as I got there, he asked me if I wanted a drink.  At the bar, we grabbed my signature vodka tonic and a shot.  When we got back to the table, he started his spiel about how hot I was.  He mentioned, he lived downtown and I joked, well, at least you don't have to drive.  His hands were all over me.  I knew something was wrong.  He then said that since I was drinking, I should just go home with him.  If there's anything I know about dating, do not go home with a guy on the first night?!!?  You will have a one night stand and there is a very high probability, he will not call you again. 

As he went on and on about his downtown apartment, I got bored.  I honestly don't care about what you have or where you live.  Make me laugh, intrigue me, say something interesting.  I have the tendency to want to wander or people watch when I'm bored.  You can ask my closest friends.  My ADD was definitely kicking in.  If a bunny rabbit ran in front of me, I probably would had chased it. 

In the midst of talking, he asked me what I perceived of him.  I told him the truth, that he came off like an a$$hole.  I knew this would offend him but at this point, I started not to care.  He kind of laughed it off then told me he knew why I was on an online dating site.  Referring to the fact that I might be insecure because according to him, only insecure people people-watch.  After I was offended, he told me he had to go to the bathroom.  I waited for him on watch because his friend conveniently started a conversation with me.  I think he knew there was no way I was sleeping with him because when he came back he started talking to another girl at the bar.  I was already annoyed, so I told his friend I needed to go to the bathroom, which was a lie.  I walked right out the door and back to my car.

This kind of guy is only concerned about getting laid and finding a girl stupid enough to fall for his antics.  His nice car, his downtown condo, the fact he's getting the girl drunk.  Be wary, this guy is not interested in you.  He won't ask you questions about your life or how you feel or he's not interested in talking at all.  I knew my instincts were right on point when I sent him a text (because I'm way too nice) saying I left because you just wanted to get laid.  He replied, "Yes".

The Bounce Back Lover

I cannot count the amount of old lovers who come out of the wood works after time had transpired.  It seems to be a theme in my life.  I have always believed in second chances and if there were not the case, then I would have never gotten engaged.  But then again, an ex is an ex for a reason.  I'm not really sure if all of these clichéd statements are true, however, I'm sure they keep coming back. I bring this up because I was watching the movie What's Your Number over the weekend.  Yes, it is a horrible chick flick but I am a sucker for a sappy love story with some attempt at comedy thrown in.  The movie plot has to do with the Ana Farris character attempting to find all of her ex boyfriends so she doesn't end up sleeping with more than 20 people along with her hunky neighbor from across the hall who she ends up falling in love with.  Anyhow, coincidentally enough, someone I was dating earlier this month who had disappeared sent me a text today.  I mean the premise isn't exactly the same but you get my point.  Part of me felt as if I might had given him an opportunity to explain himself but for whatever reason, I felt really abandoned so I just left it as is and thanked him for his apology.

I'm not sure what leads these guys to reach out after time.  Maybe I was just that great, which is totally possible. :-D  Then again, what really made them leave in the first place?  I could go over a list of reasons why.  They initially weren't ready for a relationship and now they want to try, they were leaving and didn't know how to handle the possibility of a relationship, someone dumped them and I always cheered them up. I would never knock a second opportunity but keep in mind one of my other faves, "Fool me once, shame on you... Fool me twice, shame on me.

Being in "Like"

Meeting someone you might really like and beginning the possible pursuit of a relationship is bittersweet.  I personally start to morph into a different person.  I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I start to look at my dating profiles less, I don't text those lingering lovers as often or not even at all and I end up staying home much more.  It's the strangest feeling to want to be loyal to someone you barely know but in essence, I wouldn't want to do anything that would ruin the potential of a new relationship. I have a friend of mine who I talk to on a regular basis (I used to date him).  When I disappear for a while, he asks me, "So who is he?"  I find it kind of entertaining because sometimes its not a new guy, I just simply haven't had the time to go online and look out for him.  Plus married guy friends are kind of taboo.  I can't call him at all times of the night and have him convince me that drunk texting someone is a bad idea.

This stage of just getting to know someone is kind of exciting because parts of me want the next text or phone call to be from him and when its not, I get slightly disappointed.  Its kind of like the honeymoon stage before the honeymoon stage.  But the unknown always drives me crazy.  I've been told in many occasions that I have so much control over every other aspect of my life, but when i comes to relationships I'm a mess and I really am.  Just the wave of teenage emotions sometimes gets the best of me and my gemini nature wants to jump right in.  Just gotta remember... gotta be a lady first.  Well, a lady which can find humor in some of the worst things.

Dating 101 - Online dating

I believe I have mentioned this before, but I've been dating online since I was 17 years old in the days of AOL chat rooms.  As a matter of fact, my date for Senior prom was someone I met in that very chat room.  Long story short, I had a date who forgot to ask for the day off and I frantically found a replacement. I have several dates, meetings, phone calls and texts under my belt so I have decided to give you pearls of wisdom:

1.  When creating a profile, have a mixture of close ups and full body shots.  I believe you should not give anyone surprises as to how you look.  No guy or girl wants to show up on a date with someone who is 50 lbs heavier or 30 years older.  I think you want to have some sort of genuine relationship and it is never good basing it all of a lie.  It is never a pleasant feeling having your hopes up and being super disappointed.  Also, if you are not happy with yourself, how do you expect to be happy in a relationship.

2.  Less is more.  You don't want to post your whole life story on the internet.  It doesn't leave any intrigue to the person reading your profile.  Also, no one wants to read a 10 page essay on how you're tired of finding the wrong guy.  Be very straight forward as to who you are, your likes and dislikes and what you're looking for.  Keep at maybe 10 sentences at the very max.  See one of mine as an example:

"I am a goal oriented, motivated Latina woman who is always willing to learn more. I've always been told I am very laid back and easy to get along with. I absolutely love dancing salsa. Also, I love to be surrounded by those who enjoy life and never take what they have in front of them for granted. I am a social butterfly and love to be around people. I try to stay as busy as possible so there is never a dull moment. I would like to meet someone who could keep up with my energy. You could say I'm an optimist but life is so much better living when one is happy. I would love to meet someone who is into sports (I love football GO GIANTS and GO GATORS!) and who is easy going. I'm a lover, not a fighter. I would love someone who's not afraid to be themselves and make me laugh. Laughter is one of the most important attributes someone should have. Finally, I need someone who is willing to understand and communicate their feelings. I want to meet my best friend. I believe chivalry should not be dead. It says a lot when a man takes initiative."

3.  Do what makes you comfortable. Some guys online tend to very pushy.  Do not allow someone to get your phone number right off the bat.  When someone gives you a good vibe, you'll know it and let him pursue you.  If he actually makes an effort to have a conversation with you online, then asks for your phone number, then it is okay to move forward.  There are some guys only looking for one thing.  Some are very straight forward about it and some are very very sneaky.  Those sneaky guys are usually just insecure and trying to boost their egos with a conquest.  Don't get overwhelmed with the messages either.  On some sites, they see fresh meat and attack.  Take everything at your own pace.  No one is holding a gun to your head to answer ASAP.  Plus its not that hard to filter.  Someone worth talking to will make an effort in their message, not just say "hi" or "what's up".

4.  Always meet in a public place.  I repeat ALWAYS meet in a public place.  You really don't know this guy.  He could sound great over the phone but the next thing you know he could be a stage 5 clinger.  You don't want him to know where you live.  Your house, apartment, living quarters or where ever is very intimate.  This is the place you call your sanctuary. Don't go to his place either.  Bad things happen when you're isolated.  Trust me.  I'm not saying all guys are bad but I'm saying there are bad eggs out there.  You will feel more comfortable where there are a lot of people around.  Also, let someone close to you know where you are going, just in case.

5.  Have an escape plan (optional) This is a matter of preference.  I will admit, I have done this in the past but I have coordinated with girl friends to call me 30 minutes into the date to make sure I'm okay.  This could be your way out especially if you're unsure about the guy.  If the guy is totally whack, then make up your part of the conversation when your friends call.  Say, "I don't normally pick up calls but my friend doesn't usually call me this late."  or something to that extent.

6.  Be yourself. There is nothing more sexy about a confident woman who knows how to throw her hair back and have a good time.  Laughter adds more years to your life so embrace it.  If things don't work out, no worries, there are more fishies in the sea (no pun intended).

I hope my tips help you in being a little bit more secure with journey into the online dating world.  I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have for this process.  I mean I blog about dating because its something I definitely know.

That Je Ne Sais Quoi

Over the past few weeks, I've been on several dates.  For some reason, the chemistry was extremely lacking.  I find it interesting that I have chemistry with men who are bad for me.  Whether we lack anything in common or they have 10 kids and 5 baby mama's.  Maybe I have a thing for boys I can't catch or who I know are easily attainable.  I really want to like the guys who have great jobs and have their heads on straight.  Don't get me wrong, they aren't bad looking, just blah! It's so hard to find someone with personality who actually wants to have a relationship.  I think they might know how good they are and like playing the field.  Sometimes I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City.  "I've been dating since I was 15, where is he already?!?!"

I've come to realize that maybe I'm just so accustomed to dating, that might not be able to move to the next step.  I ask my friends who are in relationships and most of them have not really ever dated.  Things literally just happened.  I could just be entertaining my boredom by even going on dates or finding material by enduring really bad dates.  I'm not sure.  All I know, this is getting very tiring!

So what I want what I want!

After my last experience in an attempted relationship had failed so relentlessly, it has taken almost a year to get over.  Only the last 6 months, I have been able to even fathom the idea of giving my heart to another person.  What angers me is the fact that, yes, I'm ready for a relationship but no, I'm not going to end up with the first guy who comes along and makes me laugh. I don't want to come across as full of myself but I have worth.  I'm a very independent, self sufficient, intelligent woman.  Yes, I grew up in an atmosphere where the woman was expected to be domesticated (I'm Puerto Rican) and tend to her family, but I'm also Americanized enough that I would not be taken for granted. No offense to those women with old fashioned values, to each their own.  Not my cup of tea.

I recently came out of a situation where I was really happy hanging out with a particular guy but I could not get over his immaturity.  I won't go into the details because I don't think it would be fair to him however I will say I'm not your sugar mama nor can you treat me like a girlfriend but then tell me you don't want a relationship.  You can't have your cake and eat it too!

My point is, I would prefer my next relationship to my last (if that's

possible), not a trial one.  I am picky because I feel as if I deserve to be.  Maybe I might self entitled, but all women should feel self worth enough to end up with someone that will treat them like the queens they are.

Hey guys! This is Tom

I don't know if I'm the only person who gets anxiety about this but I always do when I'm introducing someone I'm dating to my friends.  Most of my friends think I'm crazy for putting so much emphasis on the introduction but by nature, I just worry about everyone's well being and I want them to play nice.  My circumstance is a bit different considering, I've never really been that close to my family, so my friends sometimes fill those gaps when I really need someone to be there.  Having them accept the person I'm dating is super duper important. A few months ago, a friend of mine which I used to date insisted on coming to visit me.  I was a bit hesitant because most of our conversations end up in arguments, however, because I'm so nice, I didn't say no.  Coincidentally, that same weekend, a friend of mine was having a dinner for her birthday and I didn't want my out of town guest to hinder an opportunity to hang out with my friends.  So, I went to pick up my friend at the train station. He practically jumps on me and I realize, OMG... I am sooo not attracted to him like I used to be.  I get nervous. I dropped him off at my apartment and went back to work to finish my day.

When I got from work, he practically attacked me again.  Sigh... I push him off of me and we got ready to head out.  What I didn't remember, for whatever reason, is that he couldn't hear out of one ear.  We get to the restaurant, I say hi to everyone.  We sat down and I waited for my best girlfriend, her husband and another good friend of mine to arrive.  My best girlfriend's husband is a bit over protective of me, kind of like an older brother.  When I initially introduce him to someone, he doesn't like to talk to them until he knows he's sticking around.  I think not to get attached.  Out of everyone, I think he makes me the most nervous, minus meeting my father, of course.

As we're at the table, this guy that I brought does not shut up!  My friends are trying to ask him questions, but he doesn't hear them because of his faulty ear.  This just got super embarrassing.  Needless to say, I was never going to live this down (and I haven't yet :-/).  I am not going to get into the details of the rest of the night, but let's say, I wasn't exactly the nicest person to him.  I found it strange I could be a complete  b**ch to him and got away with it.  I wasn't proud of what I was doing but it was my reaction to embarrassment I endured.  I couldn't wait for that visit to be over and it is one weekend I will never forget.

Experiences like these just make me more wary of who I'm bringing around.  I do spend a lot of time with my friends but if I can sacrifice a couple of nights to make sure a guy is okay, I'm willing to do that then go through a crazy experience.

Men can be so selfish!

This is a rant out of frustration.  I was told men can't help being selfish because of their testosterone.  To be a woman, you have to be mysterious, play hard to get, ladylike, whatever society wants you to be.  It is so tiring because in essence, you are trying to win a man's heart by playing this role.  Because they are so involved with their lives, they don't even take into consideration what your feelings might be at that moment.  This is when you play hard to get so they want to spend time with you because they can't have you.  It's ridiculous.  You are competing with their families and friends who play a higher precedence in their life regardless of how they feel about you.  I can't necessarily complain but all I ask is be honest.  If you're doing something with your family and/or friends then tell me.  If you're interested in getting to know me, make me feel important so that I don't feel that I may need to stray away. Yes, my friends are important but I also know that I need to make time for things that I want.  If you want something you will make the sacrifices for whatever you want to achieve.  I just can't stand those who hide information just so they don't hurt someone.  Let me tell you... the secret is out.  If you're online dating and changing your default picture almost every day then you disappear, that means you're on a date with someone else.  Stop leading people on!

Every woman has their worth.  A good woman deserves to get treated with more respect.  Keep your one eyed monsters in check!

Men in Uniform

I don't know if it has to do with the fact that my dad was in the Army.  Someone once told me, you date what you know but I have always been drawn towards a man in uniform.  According to Psychologist and Relationship Expert, Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., "The 'uniform' may signify that the man is able to manage life's troubles. We all want those to whom we are attached to be able to stay solid when we are a mess so that we can count on them. It spells safety and security." I can honestly say I've dated all branches of the military as well as a firefighter and policeman.  I think that sense of manliness has always appealed to me.  I use the word dated loosely as we went on a date or two at least.  There are a few which I dated for longer but no need to go into details.  This is all about the love for a man wearing a uniform.

The only downfall I have seen which has always been a kind of deal breaker for me is the lifestyle.  I was engaged to someone who served in Afghanistan.  Just worrying about your loved one on a daily basis is almost torturous.  I don't know if I could go through that again.  I give the utmost respect to the faithful men and women married to those overseas.   They have to endure raising a family without their loved one so they can keep their family safe.  In the spirit of Memorial Day, thank you for your service... I digress

My point is, men in uniform do have a certain draw.  I don't know if its a woman's need to want to be saved but I think deep down inside, knowing that you can be saved from a fire or whatever it is, leaves a sense of security.  As a strong woman, I hate to admit I need saving... but wouldn't it be nice? :-)

Ghosting

Urbandictionary.com defines ghosting as "The act of disappering on your friends without notice".  This term has become a phenomenon not only between friends but in the dating world as well.  I recently heard a conversation on the radio regarding this topic.  I'm not sure if its something new but I know I've done this and experienced it before.

Imagine this... you go on a date with this great guy.  All you can do is sit there and imagine what tomorrow might bring.  He gives you a kiss goodnight and the longest embrace in the world.  He tells you, he'll call you tomorrow.  The next day, you don't hear anything, then the following day... NOTHING.  Then you start to wonder, "What did I do wrong?"  You want to be lady-like and not send him a text, but F-IT!  You do it.  and NOTHING!  You have just become the victim of ghosting.

I know it might be a bad concept to recognize you might be guilty of, but, I personally hate the awkward conversation after a date when you decide this guy isn't right for me.  I understand that avoiding them might be easier.  Believe me, the guy probably has some crazy situation which would assist in him avoiding you or he could be a coward, but its neither here nor there.  It happens. Just breathe.  Don't try to justify it and create some sort of urban legend fantasy you might relate to.  Just realize, he's just not that into you.